No Regrets?

There have been many times in my life that I have allowed regret to build a wall between me and God. I fail so often in my Christian walk and then I fail to let God apply His mercy to those failures. Sometimes it seems as if the harder I try to live a life of sanctification and holiness, the harder it is to succeed. I feel like each step I take forward results in at least 2 steps in the reverse direction.

My determination to live a life pleasing to Christ seems to bring out obstacle after obstacle. My eagerness to be all that God has called me to be seems to be an open invitation for the enemy to close in.

I feel  like I am in a constant battle against my flesh. I feel  like there is an on going war with my sinful nature.

I have learned that I have to stay alert at all times to the schemes and manipulations of the enemy. I need to be on constant guard against the mind games that satan likes to play.

But the main thing is that when I DO fail, I have to learn to forgive myself. For some reason, I find it easier to forgive others than to forgive my own self. But I have to remind myself that God applies that same precious blood to my own sin just as He does to others.

Colossians 3:13 tells us, "Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive"

That includes ourselves. When we neglect to forgive ourselves we allow regret to move into our lives. Unfortunately, when regret moves in, it brings distraction with it. And distraction moves in with a vengence bringing all sorts of baggage with it..

Our focus then becomes on what we did wrong. Our focus becomes our failure. Our focus becomes "us" instead of God. Our focus becomes regret.

Regret steals the JOY that our Father intends for us to have. Joy that comes through our salvation. Joy that comes through the shedding of that blood of Christ on the cross. Joy that comes through Jesus. Joy that Christ wants us to have!

When we repent, God wipes that slate clean. It doesn't leave behind the fingerprints of regret. Only the fingermarks of sweet mercy and forgiveness.

Oh, Father, help me to learn how to forgive myself when I fail you. Help me to lay those failures down at your feet and ask for sweet forgiveness. Help me to allow that forgiveness to penetrate deeply in my spirit and help to me bask in the Joy of knowing my sins were covered at Calvary. May I arise from the place of repentance more determined to live for You. More purposed in my walk. More passionate for my Savior. I love you Lord and I praise you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon my and my family. You are my JOY!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Melissa had a good check up yesterday. Her platelets are up to 165,000. Her hemoglobin is up to 10.0. He said when it gets to 12 - 15, then she will begin to have more energy and not be so tired. She is still a little jaundiced. Her bilirubin is still fluxuating in the 3's. It needs to come down to .4 and he said that once her other liver enzymes begin to stabalize, then that will happen. Her AST liver enzymes that were in the 300's are now 52 and almost normal. I didn't realize how sick her liver really was! She was also holding 18 pounds of fluid that is now gone.

I continue to praise God for the miracle that her performed in my child. I also am so thankful and grateful to all the prayers that everyone has lifted up on her behalf. Continue to pray. She goes back to the doctor on the 22nd and hopefully that will be the final visit!

Now there stood by the cross....

"Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother..." (John 19:25)

The cross

crucifixtion

agony

betrayal

death

Jesus

Mary's baby

Fully God

Fully Man

Emmanuel

His mother

Mary

highly favored

blessed

a virgin

pure

There stood by the cross... His mother

Oh, Mary, did you know?

You would be highly favored and blessed among woman?

You would conceive of the Holy Spirit and bring forth a Son, Jesus?

That precious baby you birthed would the King of kings?

Mary, did you know that the angelic toddler you nurtured would one day be Lord of lords? 

That his first faltering steps would be the beginning of the walk to the cross?

That the little boy you watched grow in wisdom and stature would be the Savior of the world?

That your Son would perform miracles and wonders?

Mary, did you know that your precious child would be the deliverer for all?

That he would be betrayed, beaten, mocked and crucified?

Once, you stood by his cradle watching, rocking and filled with joy.

Then you stood by the cross watching, helpless and filled with pain.

How your heart must have been aching...

Your heart and Your Son.

Both wounded and bleeding.

Both betrayed and dying.

Both broken.

Your beloved Son... God's beloved Son..

Oh, Mary did you know?

That He would one day reign victorious? Seated at God's right Hand.

He is mighty to save.

Emmanuel

God with us.

Savior.

Redeemer.

"Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother..."

"Jesus, I praise you for what you accomplished for me on the cross. I thank you for the sacrifice you made and the pain you bore. Thank you for loving me and becoming the redemption for my sins. I am so unworthy but I am ever so grateful. You are merciful and mighty. I praise you for who you are. I praise you for what you did. Thank you for salvation. Thank you for the cross."

++++++++++++++

Thank you for your continued prayers for Melissa.

 She is still very weak and very tired. She is still juandiced. We took her back today for blood work and hope to have results tomorrow. Her doctor called today to check on her. We will also go back Thursday for blood work and to see Dr. Parker.  He said this could take a month to get her completely back on her feet. We appreciate your ongoing prayers for her!

There is no place like home!

"In my distress I cried to the LORD, and He heard me" (Psalm 120:1)

As I am sitting here tonight in my own house, on my own couch, I am looking at my daughter laying on the love seat and my heart is full of gratitude. There is definitely no place like home.

I am so thankful to my precious Savior that He showed her mercy this week. I am thankful that He showed her glorious love this week. I am thankful that He gave her a glimpse of His splendor and restored her health. I am so thankful that He reached down and touched her and healed her.

He showed up and showed Himself mighty. He showed up and bestowed marvelous grace on the life of my daughter. He showed up...

In the midst of the storm, as I cried out to Him, he heard me. He heard the cry of a hurting and frightened mother. He heard the cry of one of His children and was there. He gave me comfort and peace. He tucked me away in the cleft of the rock. He gave me strength when I thought I had no more. He gave me renewal when I thought I couldn't hang on. He covered me with His wing.

He gave me a Word. A Word that I gripped so tightly I still see the imprint of it on the palms of my hands. A Word that I want to be ever mindful of as I realize the magnitude of what He did for me and for Melissa. For all of us.

May I never forget what He did. May I never forget the miracle He performed.

I find myself tonight in a state of brokenness. I realize how unworthy I am of what He did for me. I realize how pitiful and wretched I am. I realize that He gave me what He didn't give Himself. The life of my child. That is a very humbling thought.

Precious Lord, I thank you so much for the healing that you ministered in Melissa this week. You have restored her and renewed her. You have brought her from sickness to health. You have delivered her from the enemy. You have surrounded her with your glory and your grace.

Lord, help me to live my life in a way that is pleasing only to You. Help me to walk worthy of Your calling. Help me to always seek Your presence. May I always be an instrument for your glory.

In the precious name of Your Son Jesus, Amen

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Melissa was discharged today around noon. Her platelets were up to 119,000. Her bilirubin was 2.4 (he wanted it lower but was satisfied that it had gone down.) Her hemoglobin went from a 6 to an 8, so he was satisfied that it was on the upward swing as well. Her liver enzymes are still high and she is still very swollen, but he is confident that it will continue to go down as she continues to heal.

She has 2 appointments next week for more blood work and to see the doctor. All four doctors who were part of her case came to see her before she left. They were all so nice and hugged her and were so happy that she was doing so well.

She is very weak and very tired. She has about a month of recovery ahead of her. I am watching her like a hawk!

Thank you so much for being such great prayer warriors and friends. I felt the prayers and the love so much! Keep praying that she continues to heal and regain her strength.

In Him,

Beth

He just continues to Pour out Healing!

"Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You." (Jeremiah 32:17)

This is the face of a happy girl. She had her 2nd dose  of 4 Malarone pills last night and other than nausea, she had no other problems. She will get her final 4 pills tonight and then her blood work in the morning.

The Lord has just continued to pour his blessings out to us and we just continue to stand amazed at His goodness. Dr. P came by with her blood work results from this morning. Dr. W from the trauma ER room came up to check on her today as well.

Ready for some awesome, amazing, wonderful news? You want to see how the power of God and prayer has just worked mightily in the life of my precious daughter?

* Liver enzymes down to the double digits (previously in the triple digits)

* Billirubin down to 2.9 (from 16 originally)

*Platelets up to 91,000! (a far cry better than 11,000)

* Blood smear that shows number of parasites in the red blood cells? Zero! You read that right. There are no parasites present in her red blood cells. None!

Today she is resting better. She still has an excrutiating headache and they are supposed to finally give her something for it since her numbers are headed in the right direction. She has had lots of nausea today, but is doing so much better.

The doctor said when her billirubin comes down to in the "1's", then she can go home as long as all the other numbers are still holding good. We are hoping that the blood work in the morning will show this so we can leave this place and go home!

The Lord continues to show Himself mighty. He continues to hold us close. He continues to bring healing and restoration. We just give Him all the praise and glory for what He has done in Melissa's body. We exalt Him for His majesty and His love! He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He is our all in all. He is God.

"You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:4)

He was There.

"No weapon formed against you shall prosper..." (Isaiah 54:17)

Melissa had a pretty good day yesterday. She was laughing and talking a little and even ate a little lunch. We had a pretty peaceful and uneventful day.

Around 5 PM she received her 4th and final dose of Artesunate. They brought it early so they could give her the first round of Malarone 4 hours from that point. Thus began the downhill slide. Nausea, vomiting, fever, chills and pain.

By 8PM she was hurting in her upper stomach feeling a lot more pressure than she had been. The liver and spleen are pushing against the ribcage and causing discomfort and she was afraid it was worse. She got really scared thinking something was wrong.

The nurse sumoned the on-call doctor and he came down in about 10 minutes. Not impressed with him. Not even mildly. He was rude, uninformed, and immediately said the wrong thing to this mother and her 23 year old daughter.

"A famous cardiologist went on a hunting trip to Cameroon and got malaria and died" is what he said. I looked at him and said, "Well, thanks for that..."

The nurse look horrified that he would even say that. Then he wanted to know all about who diagnosed her and all and didn't really get to the point of the problem. The nurse helped explain things better when he left. Apparently since the hemoglobin was down, it can cause the cells in the liver and spleen to swell a little more. But she assured us that she was OK. It is a vicious cycle right now. But she did help us feel better.

At 9PM they gave her the starter dose of Malarone which consisted of 4 pills. She will take 1 pill tonight and 1 more pill Wednesday night and hopefully go home Thursday or Friday. If her numbers keep going in the right direction.

Almost immediately after the dose of Malarone, she began vomiting and Melissa's spirits plummetted quickly. For the next 3 hours I had to pray, quote scripture, sing, rub her back and rub her arm.

I had her close her eyes and told her to picture Jesus at the head of her bed reaching down and touching her.

Reaching down and breathing healing into her body.

Reaching down and breathing new life into her spirit.

I could feel Him. He was there.

I began singing softly. "He is here, hallelujah. He is here, Amen. He is here holy, holy. I will bless His name again. He is here, listen closely. Hear Him calling out your name. He is here. You can touch Him. You will never be the same."

I text my friend and had her sing with me. Melissa fell into a peaceful sleep for awhile. I was afraid to stop or even move. So I sat and sang and sang and sang..... And the tears flowed.

I felt Him. I welcomed Him. I leaned back against Him and I melted in His embrace.

When Melissa woke this morning, she thanked me for stroking her head. I told her it wasn't me, but her Savior.....

Once again, He covered us. Once again, He tucked us safely in the cleft of the rock.

Praise you sweet Jesus. I love you ever so much.

+++++++++++++++++++
Update for this morning -

**Liver counts a little higher (but not to worry says Dr. P)
**Platelets ??? 51,000!!! Yes - they are steady coming up and that is a good thing! Dr. P teased her and told her she was getting way too many... ha! only 74,000 to go!
**Potassium low - so she got a wonderful and tasty potassium cocktail which promptly made her sick....
** We are out of ICU! Yes! She is in her own room! Thank you Jesus!

She is resting well this morning. A little nausea and very weak, but in good spirits. Nothing like a touch from Jesus to perk you up!

Thank you so much for the prayers!