really, Lord?

Have you ever found yourself on the edge of unbelief? Teetering on the rim of knowing that He can, but desperately fighting the thoughts of "but what if He doesn’t"? The balancing act of believing without faltering in my faith can be exhausting.  Clinging to the faithfulness of His very nature without giving in to the humanness of my doubting can make me weary, but the triumph of experiencing the manifestation of His goodness is so worth enduring the angst during the trial.

The past 5 months have been filled with many lessons of perseverance during times of testing. The Lord has been teaching me to trust Him – completely. There have been times that I have faltered. Times that I have felt myself slipping into the pit of despair and disbelief. But my God is so faithful.

When I have so badly needed His peace, He has delivered it to me.

When I so anxiously needed a Word from Him, He has provided that for me.

When I needed a calming influence, He bestowed it. When I needed rest, He ordained it. When I became weak, He remained strong.

There were times when I didn't think I could handle any more road bumps along the way. I would think, “What now, Lord? How much do you think I can handle?” And He would so graciously enable me to make my way through the thorns and thistles of that journey and walk beside me every step of the way. Generously dispensing the soothing balm of His presence to my very needy spirit.  He is just so good.

The week before Christmas was spent anxiously awaiting test results on my youngest daughter. Tests that were being redone after not so good results the first time around. Tests on my baby girl who was then 24 weeks pregnant with her 4^th little blessing. Test results that we wouldn't get back until the day after Christmas.

I can remember saying, “Really, Lord? I am already stressed to the max over the journey I am on with my precious sister, and now this? A time when I am trying to focus on you and have an amazing time with my family? How can I even enjoy the holiday when I am in the midst of all this uncertainty?”

And I felt His sweet whisper. “Yes, Beth. Right here at Christmas time. What better time to keep your eyes focused on me and remain steadfast in your faith. What better time to cling to what you know to be true and to what I have already shown you.”

He was so right. Over and over, my God has shown Himself mighty and faithful. He has revealed His goodness. He has carried me when my steps faltered. He has embraced me when my spirit needed assurance. Over and over again, He granted me sweet peace.

The “what if’s” have been extended into “then God...”

Uncertainty has been replaced by knowing that He is in the midst of it no matter what. My faith journey has been a step-by-step process of learning to lean fully on my Savior without hesitation.

Listening more intently for His voice.

Recognizing His quiet whisper to my soul.

Resting deeply in the knowledge of who He is.

Basking in the presence of an Almighty, Omniscient, Immutable, Eternal God.

My thirsty spirit continues to long for more intimacy with Christ. And I cherish this ongoing pursuit of my soul  for Him as I desire a closer relationship with my Savior. I want to want Him with an insatiable hunger and I pray that this longing grows deeper and deeper each day.

He is faithful and good and He is all I need.

And the test results we got back? Much to the doctors surprise? Perfectly normal. Praise you, Jesus, for your healing power and the miracles you so sweetly grant to us. For now I am continuing to believe in the coming healing and Victory in the life of my sweet sister. His Word is true and He is faithful.

bowing our hearts

Bowing our hearts.

Bending our knees.

Seeking His face.

Lord, show us your Glory.

Humbling our spirits and denying our flesh.

Seeking His will.

Lord, reveal yourself to us.

On our faces we fall, longing for you.

Fill us with your spirit and encompass us with your love.

Let us come before you with 

hungry hearts and thirsty spirits.

May we pour out our souls to you in desperation for a glimpse of your glory.

Bowing low with our hearts flung open wide to receive. May we seek you and search for you with an intense longing in the deepest recesses of our being. Minister to us oh, Lord. Drench us with the wonder of who you are. Soak us with the manifestation of your presence. Draw near to us that we might draw near to you. Speak to our hearts...

Bending our knees.

Bowing our hearts.

We come....

unwavering faith

"And he believed in the LORD

and he counted it to him for righteousness"

(Genesis 15:6)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The faith of Abraham is so inspiring. He never faltered. He never wavered. He didn't hesitate. He heard the voice of God and He obeyed. He obeyed without question or doubt. He knew His God and He knew His voice and He believed. Wow. 

I long for that kind of faith. I long for that kind of unwavering belief in my LORD. I desire to be so in tune with Him that I listen and I hear and then I do what He says. 

I want my faith to be steadfast in the One who is FAITH. I want my faith to be grounded and solid and unmovable. 

When we get to places in our spiritual walks that are hard, it is imperative that we have a relationship with our Savior that enables us to trust in Him completely. If we don't have that intimacy with Him, there is absolutely no way we can make it through those times. If we don't spend time in the precious words of the bible, we don't stand a chance in those perilous times. We must be working diligently to cultivate an intense and personal and sweet relationship with Jesus. 

Our faith in Him is built up through our experiences with Him. When He has proved Himself faithful to us in areas of our lives, then we use those to draw back on and to remind ourselves of just how faithful He is! When He has done mighty works in our lives - and I will testify that He has done that in mine - all we have to do is remember those mighty works and believe that He will do it again. Because our God is an 'again' kind of God. 

When we find ourselves in the valley, we can know that we aren't alone there. Many times in the scriptures, God tells us that He will never leave us. Never forsake us. He will walk with us through the good and the bad times. So when we can't see our way out of those valleys, we can put our trust in the One who knows the way out. If we keep ourselves immersed in the Word, we can listen for His voice and follow Him to safety. 

As I find myself in a valley of sorts right now, I am keeping my faith in the One who is FAITH. I am leaning on the knowledge of the mighty works of the past that He has performed in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. I am relying on the promises that He gives me in the Holy Scriptures. I am depending on His guidance and listening for His voice to lead me. Because I know that He sees what I don't. He knows the end of the story. He knows the very minute when we will break out of the edge of the wilderness into the vast expanse of freedom.

When all I can see is the valley I am in, He see the mountaintop that I will be standing on one day.

Praise you sweet Jesus for that. Praise your Holy and mighty and awesome name. You are truly the author and finisher of my faith and I love you with all my heart.

~~~~

Continued prayers for my sister, Cari, please. We meet with her oncologist today for results of some very important blood work and then we meet with her stem cell transplant doctor tomorrow and hopefully have a plan of action for the next step in the journey of faith.