broken and spilled out

"To be broken is the beginning of revival.

It is painful, it is humiliating,

but it is the only way"

 - Roy Hession

Broken......

shattered. stripped down. laid bare. softened.

Brokenness is not an emotion. It is a choice that is made. It is a way of life. It is coming to a true understanding of the condition of our heart. It is seeing the vast depravity of our sinful nature.

Brokenness is tears of conviction. Tears of shame. Tears of repentance. Tears of cleansing and restoration.

It's acknowledging our failures and the depth of our sin head-on. It's about releasing the grip on our pride. It's about the deep desire for God to begin doing a mighty work in our lives.

Broken. Surrendered.

We can choose to be broken, or God can break us on His own initiative. The process will be much less painful if we come to a place of brokenness of our own volition.

As God began dealing with my heart on some areas of pride in my life, I began to realize the deepening need I had in my spirit to be broken. Truly broken. Shattered. I had some places that were filled with 'self'. I had some places that lacked the Holiness that I professed. I needed to turn some things over to God and allow Him to crush them once and for all.

This shattering of my self-will was coming. I could feel it. I could sense it. I was even welcoming it. Because I knew that until I met it face-to-face, I would be virtually ineffective in my walk. Until I released that which I was clinging to so tightly, God couldn't do the work in my life that He was desiring to do. I was preventing an awesome work of the Lord with my stubborn pride.

I had been praying for a breaking of my self-sufficient attitude. I had been praying for God to allow me to be broken. I was ready for it. The anticipation of it had been building up in my spirit for some time. And when it came, it came like a hurricane. It blew into my spirit and uprooted so many things that I had been holding on to. It pulled up things that I didn't even realize were there. It flattened some places that needed a good flattening. And when it came, it came in a torrent of tears. Deep, gulping sobs.

And it felt so good. I felt such release. I felt freedom like never before. I had a new joy in my heart that I hadn't felt in a long time. I feel a lightness in my spirit that is so amazing. I feel unspeakable peace.

".... God be merciful to me a sinner" (Luke 18:13b)

This refining and purifying process in my spiritual life is one of revelation and restoration. It is one of shaping and molding me into His image. It is one that will make my walk match my talk. It is about my theology becoming my reality. It's about allowing the Potter to have full access to me, the clay, and allowing Him to mold me and form me into the image of who He would have me to be.

I want to look like Him. I want to walk like Him. I want to be like Christ.

I pray that this broken state I am in remain with me to be a constant reminder in my life that alone, I am nothing. Alone, I am shattered into a million pieces and unusable. But in Christ, those broken pieces can be put back together and molded into a vessel that can be used mightily of Him and for Him.With Jesus, anything is possible. He can take me in my wretched and unworthy state, clothe me in His righteousness and use me to bring glory and honor to Him.

God takes my brokenness, reveals His glory and makes me whole.

Lord, pour me out to be used of you. May I never be the same....

"Create in me a clean heart,
O God; and renew a right spirit within me"
(Psalm 51:10)