Today has been a huge mixture of emotions. My heart feels like it is on roller coaster ride full of unseen dips and curves. I feel like I can't even breath one minute and the next I am marveling at the unspeakable goodness of God.
This morning found me anxiously making my way to the hospital to witness the birth of my oldest daughters newest addition to their family. Baby number five. I couldn't wait to see this new grandson make his grand entrance into this world and the anticipation was a joyous feeling. Another grandchild. New life. The awesome miracle of birth was about to take place again in the life of my family and I was overwhelmed. The sweetness of God was evident all day in that hospital room and I could feel His presence.
It wasn't long before that precious little one emerged from his home of 9 months and was greeted by huge smiles and tears of joy. Our hearts were grateful for the safe delivery of a bouncing 8 lb 6 ounce little boy with a head full of dark curls. The birth of a baby is nothing short of a miracle. Truly, it is miraculous thing to behold.
My heart was full of such sweet emotion. Seeing that precious baby snuggle with his mama in those first minutes after his arrival was heart warming. He looked so peaceful and content as he nestled close to my daughter and the look on his face certainly reflected joy.
Later in the afternoon I took my daughters other four children to the hospital to meet their new little brother. Titus is welcomed by 2 big brothers and 2 big sisters. He is a blessed little boy. The older three were so excited to meet their brother. Their faces were filled with happiness and their hearts were full of love for this little one. The youngest one wasn't too sure he was happy to have a new baby in the family but he will adjust.
After a quick visit, we headed home to allow my daughter to rest and enjoy her new son in some peace and quiet after a day full of company. I left there still overflowing with the joy that this new life had brought to me.
I reveled in the goodness of God. I thanked Him for His mercy and His grace and I was overcome at the abundance of blessings He has bestowed on me and my family. He is so good. He is so faithful.
And then the news came that ripped my heart in two. The news that only days before had been good news and now it appeared that it wasn't so. What we thought wasn't, all of the sudden was and it was devastating. Heart breaking. Faith rattling news.
My precious sister was diagnosed with something that I can't even begin to write. I don't even want to think it or even look at the word on the page. My heart went from Joy to Gloom in about 2 seconds flat. I felt like the air had been forced out of my lungs and I could barely draw a breath. Not my sister. No, Lord. I can't handle this.
"No you can't, but I can"
But, Lord, I don't understand!
"You don't have to understand my child. You just have to trust. And believe. And find me faithful"
The tears begin to flow and the sobs begin to come. Tears of frustration and tears of sadness and sobs of a heart broken in two. And then I felt the sweetness of my Lord and Savior begin to minister to my heart and spirit. I could almost feel His hand wipe those tears from my eyes and whisper encouragement to my soul. I began to focus on the promises I find in His Word. The things that I know to be true about my God. He is faithful. All the time. Even in bad circumstances. Even in trials and tribulations. God is faithful because it is who He is.
I know that there are hard days ahead and I know that there will be more tears shed and more frustrations to come. But I know that in the midst of it all, my God is faithful. He is the one who heals and restores. He is the one who decides the diagnosis. He is the giver of life and the maker of miracles. He can because that is who He is. He is the beginning and the end. The first and the last. And He is everything in between.
I put my trust and my hope in Him. I will take His Hand and let Him lead me through the fires of this trial. And through it all I will rejoice in His faithfulness. And I will give Him all the glory and honor and praise for the mighty work He will do in the life my sister. He is faithful. And I will not waiver.
"If we believe not, yet He abideth faithful; He can not deny Himself"
(2 Timothy 2:13)