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Saturday, June 5, 2010

tears....

When I picked up the phone, I recognized the number on the caller ID indicating it was from Bolivia. As I answered, I heard the faint sound of crying and a timid, quiet voice saying "Mama?" My heart stopped beating momentarily and them it just plummeted to the depths of my soul. There is nothing worse than the anguished sound of your childs voice. Especially when that voice is in another country.

My heart is aching so for Melissa. Hurting way down deep into the very core of my being. Nothing rips into my heart more than one of my girls when they are hurting.

When Melissa was in Africa for those 10 long weeks last fall, she was pretty much sick over half of the time she was there. Very sick. Of course, we now know that the main reason for her extreme illness was that she had malaria during the latter part of her trip. Malaria that went undiagnosed and just worsened those last few weeks.

Ten days after Melissa landed in the United States,  she was laying in a bed in ICU literally fighting for her life. (you can read the beginning here)

Even though she recovered by way of a miracle from our awesome and mighty God, her stomach hasn't been the same since her illness. She does okay for a week or so and then her stomach starts hurting and she stays sick for a short period.

Right now, while she is in Bolivia, she is having an extremely hard time and is feeling so bad. It seems like everything she eats causes her stomach to hurt. Really hurt. And makes her feel nauseous. She is hurting. She is feeling down and depressed.

Due to unreliable and sporadic internet connections, our contact by phone has been minimal. I was hoping that she was finally getting better, but today she was able to call me after 5 days of no contact and she was not feeling good. At all.

Tears flowed. Emotions faltered. My 24 year old girl reverted back about 15 years and just wanted her mama to make it all better.

Hard. Emotional. Tugged at my heart strings. Feelings of sadness. Hopelessness. Helplessness. Frustration.

I just want to whisk her home and make everything okay again. I long for the days when a kiss from mama could make everything better. But the childhood magic of those days is long gone. The little girl who used to think that I could make any hurt go away, now knows it isn't so. But she still wants to think that it's true.

This mama does too. I long to hold her close and kiss her sweet head and whisper, "it's okay precious. Mama's here. Everything's gonna be alright."

The tears that are flowing now are mine. Tears of longing for those simpler times. Tears of sympathy for my daughters hurts.Tears of a bruised heart crying out to the Lord on her behalf.

Tears of remembrance of that terrifying night I spent in ICU by her bedside when we didn't know her prognosis.

And now, He reminds me of that night. As I sat beside her hospital bed as she was in so much pain from the malaria. I stroked her arm and prayed for God to show Himself mighty to my daughter. To manifest His presence in her life. As I sat with my head on the bed beside her, Jesus stood at the head of the bed and stroked her head. Lovingly and with her healing in His hands, he stroked her head and ministered to her body.

As I sit here thanking Him for the miracle He performed in her life just 6 short months ago, I am praying for another powerful intervention.  Oh, Abba Father, I lift Melissa up to you tonight and ask that you just cover her in your mercy and grace. Reveal yourself to her so powerfully. So real. So tangibly that she will have no doubt that it is You. Renew. Restore. Strengthen. Minister peace and hope to my precious daughter. I love you with all that I am and I thank you for your love and your tender care over her. I thank you for the healing that is taking place, even now, in her life.

"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord" (Jeremiah 30:17)

This is the verse that I prayed over her during that time in November and I am claiming this scripture over her now. I would appreciate all the prayers that you can muster up for my daughter. She has almost 5 weeks left and I certainly don't want her sick that entire time. I love you all and thank you for your prayers in advance!

Beth



24 comments:

Loren said...

Oh Beth! My heart is breaking for both of you! I cannot imagine how you feel but I can pray and know that I will for healing in more ways than just physical but also for your heart to be comforted and strengthened! She is such a brave and compassionate girl to go on yet another missions trip even when she isn't feeling well as it was! God will touch both of you!!! I will also pray for the connection to no longer be difficult but that the lines would supernaturally open up so you can talk to your babygirl!

Love you Beth and am sending big hugs to you!

Every Day Blessings said...

I am praying!I know how hard this must be for you. I will pray that God heals , that a miracle happens again and that she is back to normal. I will pray that someone will step in and help. I will pray for wisdom for your daughter, those around her and any medical advice she may ask for. I will also pray for peace. To cover and wash her that she knows Her Father is right beside her loving and caring for her.
I am also praying for you and your family.

Denise said...

Beth and Melissa, I am praying for both of you! May our Father heal her completely from this pain; strengthen her body and spirit so that she may continue to serve Him in the lives of others. Beth, may you find comfort and peace while you wait for her next call and eventually for her return to your arms.

Shalom,
Denise

GrammyGoo said...

We will continue to be in prayer for Melissa and for you dear one.
God is Faithful.
Hugs, Ella

Thena said...

I will be praying for both of ya'll. As a Mom I know it's a terrible feeling of helplessness. When you know your child needs you and you can't be there. But He can and will be there with you and her. He promises us that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and that He will stick closer to us than a brother.

Yolanda said...

Beth,

I would like to share a quick testimony from my own life on Friday a.m. Please know, that this is not about me, but about Melissa. ok? Friday a.m., I awoke crying and in my human-ness wanting be pain free from the fibromyalgia as it was absolutley roaring, screaming, racing through my body. Like never ever before. I cried, and I sat before God with my Promise Calendar and His word. My scripture for the day absolutely blew me away, and I feel like it would truly minister to sweet Melissa as well.

Psalm 41:3

Here it is from the NIV:

3 The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed
and restore him from his bed of illness.

Lovingly,
Yolanda

Yolanda said...

Ps: I continue to pray for the two of you!

Steph T. said...

Beth...my heart is so heavy for you right now. I can't even imagine how you feel. I am on my knees praying for Melissa right now. I know God is going to restore her health & he is going to use it to minister to those around her right now. I pray she feels his healing power over her & gives you peace to know that he is holding her in his arms. YOu are an incredible mom & a just get so much encouragement listening to you talk about your love for your daughters. He will provide a way thru all of this.
love & blessings my friend!!

Stacey Dawn said...

Praying in agreement - heart hurting for you all.

Redeemed By His Love said...

Dearest Beth, the first thing...if I were there I would hug your neck.
I pray the Lord fill the room where Melissa is with His overwhelming presence and peace. I pray her mind and heart are filled with His word. Nothing is impossible with God! Isaiah 35:3,4;49:16, Psalm 144:12 I prayed these over Melissa. The Lord can be where we cannot and He is the Author of agape love.
We moms are created to have all the desires that you are sharing and please know I am praying for you, Melissa and your family.
I look forward to the praise news from this that will glorify the Great Physician!
Love & hugs,Beth,
Miriam

NanaNor's said...

Dearest Beth, I had received a prayer request for your girl but didn't connect the dots until now-it makes me feel even closer knowing I was praying for her and you as well. I hear the pain in your mama's heart so am continuing to uplift her as well as you & your hubby. He who has called her, is faithful. Sending great big hugs to you right now.
Noreen

Sonja said...

Beth:

We all joined together to pray for Melissa the last time, and we do it again! He hasn't left Melissa for a second, and He is alive and well in Bolivia too! I remember when our son was in Bolivia on ministry and he also got sick. That phone call was on Christmas Eve, and we prayed then, and He heard... as we pray now.

I pray for your 'mother heart' as well, that God will give you peace of mind and surround you with His presence.

Hugs!

Sonja

Nana Jul said...

He is our ROCK...Thus far the LORD has been my help! He did it before, and He will do it again..Nothing is too hard for the LORD!
Praying right now, and PRAISING HIM for the outcome!!
Hugs girlfriend, be strong in the LORD - LEAN into HIM!
Love,
Julie

Barbara said...

That is so heartbreaking, yes our children are all grown, but when is hurt or in pain, my mamas heart still aches, praying your gal will okay and time to enjoy her trip, hugs and praying for the mama too.
Blessings, Barbara

Nancy M. said...

You had me in tears too! I can't imagine how hard it is to be away from her when she needs you! I will keep her in my prayers and hope that she feels better!

sister sheri said...

Joining you in prayer for your precious Melissa. I know our God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine... so that is what I will ask Him to do.

LisaShaw said...

Beth,

I don't think there is anything more I can add to what has already been shared here so let me just say that I am praying RIGHT NOW in the NAME OF JESUS for your precious daughter and for your family.

Much love!
Psalm 27:13-14

Beth E. said...

I echo Loren's comment...my heart breaks for you both. I know that mother's anguish when your child is hurting and you can't reach them.

Praying for God's healing touch on Melissa, and for His peace for both of you.

Love,
Beth

Misty said...

Praying, Beth, for sweet Melissa. It seems that my entire pregnancy has been plagued by one thing or another, starting with that nasty gallbladder of mine. I can totally understand the depression that surrounds feeling so bad, all of the time. It's rough, and God granted me brief respites, but it just wasn't quite enough for me to feel "okay". I'm still battling with severe reflux - and the occasional side effect of a gallbladder being removed - but I'm clinging to God and His goodness to know that there is ultimately good to come out of this...I will pray that Melissa can do the same. Peace to you, Mama, as your baby is so far away, struggling. And comfort for Melissa, as well as healing, to be able to joyfully continue God's work so far away.

Love to you!

angelonwheels said...

Praying with you Beth!!!!!!! Gaint hugs!

petrii said...

Beth,
I am so sorry that Melissa is sick again. And how hard to be so far away from home.

Father,
We praise You God!!! You are mighty and awesome and you love us with an everlasting love. Father I pray that You will touch Melissa and heal her from whatever is causing these stomach problems. I pray that the next five weeks of her time in Bolivia will be Blessed with good health and many wonderful moments of watching You do Your work Father. We long to know You Father. We long to seek Your face and to know Your peace. Thank You for loving us beyond ourselves and for providing The Way to You through Jesus Christ.
In Jesus precious Name I pray,
Amen

I Love you sister ~~ Dawn

~ Being Woven said...

"Renew. Restore. Strengthen. Minister peace and hope to" Beth's precious daughter, LORD. You are the God of All. You are the God of healing touches. You are God. We praise You this night and know that You are with Melissa. Praying in the Very Present Help, Amen.

sanjeet said...

may you find comfort and peace while you wait for her next call and eventually for her return to your arms.

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prashant said...

God will touch both of you!!! I will also pray for the connection to no longer be difficult but that the lines would supernaturally open up so you can talk to your babygirl!
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