I sit down to write and the words fail me. I study and seek a word and I can't seem to formulate my thoughts into action. Writing alludes me and it saddens my heart. I love to write. It is how I pour out what God is doing in my heart and in my life and when I can't seem to put pen to paper and write a coherent thought, my heart breaks. I have been confused as to why this was occurring and yet at the same time I have felt deep in my spirit that it was the Lord's doing.
These past few weeks I have felt like He has forgotten me. And even though I know that isn't true, I have felt disconnected from His power and I can't tell you how that has broken my heart. I have pondered this over and over the last few days and come up empty every time. But as I sit here today, the Lord is working in this broken heart. He is moving in my soul and I know that for a time He had me quiet for my own good. I think that sometimes we don't appreciate the work that He is doing in our lives because we don't really see it. It becomes too ritualistic or too common. We get used to His being very present in our daily walk and so we become almost numb to the magnitude of that reality.
I think I was taking for granted the fact that He speaks to me through my writing. I wasn't spending the time that I needed, and that He desired of me, truly seeking a fresh Word from Him for my own self. So when I tried to write and the words wouldn't come, it stunned me. It hurt me. I wasn't used to that. But it has caused me to long for it even more. And to appreciate it for what it means in my life.
I honestly think that the Lord will withhold certain things from our lives to cause us to realize how important that element is to us. To cause us to begin really searching and seeking with a fervor that only He can impart in us. He gives us so many amazing gifts on a daily basis and sometimes we pass right by them without a glance. We have no idea how many times the Creator has bestowed grace and mercy on us that have gone unnoticed.
I feel alive this morning! I feel that connection with my Savior once again. I know that He didn't leave me because His sweet and precious Word tells us that He will never do that. But I do know that He had me in a place of unrest for a season so that I would truly begin to seek Him. I don't want to ever live my life without that power connection to the Holy Spirit. I don't want to ever take for granted the marvelous works that God has wrought in my life already and the ones that He wants to work in the future.
I want Christ living inside me and working inside me and manifesting Himself through me every single day of my life! I truly desire to be a light for Him. I want to be totally His.
I can't imagine my life without my Lord and Savior. He has graced me in abundance from the time He saved me when I was 9 years old. He has picked me up time and time again when I have stumbled. He has shown sweet mercy on me when I have strayed from the path He was leading me on. He gently guides me back to where I need to be and graciously forgives me for my sins.
I pray that I never enter into a season of disconnect again. It was a lonely and hurtful place, even in the short time I was there. But in that place of confusion and seeking and desperation, I felt the Hand of my God reach down and say, " Now, my sweet child, Here I am, follow me...."
"And we know that the Son of God has come
and has given us understanding so that we
may know the true One. We are in the true One -
that is, in His Son Jesus Christ. He is the
true God and eternal life"
(1 John 5:20)