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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

You will find Him, if You seek Him.

“We can allow God to take our greatest hurts and losses and turn them into seed for our greatest spiritual growth”

“But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 4:29)

This past week, I have been earnestly seeking a deeper relationship with my precious Lord. I have been digging and searching and seeking and desiring and longing. I have been studying His Word like never before. I have been looking for that more intense fellowship with Him. I have been crying out to Him for just a glimpse. Just a touch. Just a Word. Just Him.

I can’t really explain it, but I have felt such an emptiness these last few days. I experienced a season of serious brokenness one night and then the next morning – woosh… I was just void of feeling. I would listen to my praise and worship music and would get nothing. I would cry out and pray fervently and would get nothing. I would read the word and would get nothing. No matter what I did, I couldn’t “feel” His presence like I so desired. I felt like He had just left me and I couldn’t bear it! I knew He hadn’t – I was standing on the promise in His Word that He would NEVER leave me nor forsake me. I was standing on the promise that if I would seek Him I would find Him. But for some reason, He had me right where He wanted me.

I was face down. I was broken. I was searching. I was seeking. I was desperate. I was hungry. No, I was starving!

A sweet sister sent me to Psalm 119. I sat down at my desk early this morning and began reading. After I finished my daily devotion time and my daily bible reading, I headed right to Psalm 119. I wasn’t expecting anything which I suppose was wrong, but I felt like I was just grasping for straws and didn’t want to get my hopes up.

“For Your Word has given me life” (Psalm 119:50)

I got to that verse and before I could even finish those few words, the tears just started pouring out of my eyes and flowing down my face. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt the sweet presence of My Lord and Savior just fall down upon me. Yes! I just started praising Him. Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord! I was just filled with such joy at this revelation in my spirit and just wanted to jump and down!

In that small verse, He spoke life to me. In that small verse, He renewed my spirit. In that small verse, He showed me new mercy today.

I feel restored and refreshed. I feel wrapped up in His arms. I feel peace and safety. I feel like I have come home.Why did I feel so lost and empty? Perhaps my heavenly Father wanted a little more of me. A little more of my time. Perhaps to show me how much I need Him daily. Perhaps to show me that my relationship with Him isn't about a feeling. It's just about Him. I needed this reminder of who God really is and who I really am. I am lost without Him. I am nothing without Him. He is my everything. He is my all in all. He is the Word that has given me life. He strengthens me by His Word.

I praise you Lord for who You are in my life. I praise you for showing yourself mightily to me today. I praise you for the promises in your precious Word that I can reach out and hold on to and glory in and hide in the depths of my soul. You are life to me.



Beth

18 comments:

Proverbs 27:19 said...

I adore that you stated that God had you right where He wanted you.

Awesome revelation.

smooches,
Larie

Following HIM said...

WoW...this so hit home with me! This week I have been struggling to figure out what HE wants me to do and have become frustrated. Looking up these verses now!
~Elyse

Beth E. said...

Have you ever read Rick Warren's book, "The Purpose Driven Life"? I realize it has been a controversial book in many churches...I, personally, don't agree with everything he has written in it...but he has a chapter in the book, 'When God Seems Distant.' I believe what he said is very similar to what you shared. I found it to be quite insightful. If you have not read the book, let me know. I can send you a copy. :-)

Love and prayers,
Beth

Robin's New Song said...

I so know that place of silence Beth. I too have been on search mode, digging deeper my well,in desperation for more wisdom. Actually am writing a girls Bible study about hearing Gods secrets, as hidden treasures and while studying the word, He exposed an area I needed to repent and work on. The word is so alive! It speaks just what we need, when we need to hear it! God continue to reveal His secrets to you!

Yolanda said...

John 11:40 all over Sister, all over!


Lovingly,
Yolanda

PS: NEVER GIVE UP OR LET GO....HE IS THERE.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

You are right Yolanda and there it is right there on my comment page!

I feel so free today. Ready for whatever He has for me! Here I am Lord!

Beth

Loren said...

I love it when, in our desperation for more.....He fills us to overflowing. What we "think" is silence or emptiness is really a deeper and deeper longing that when His manifest presence comes it it truly indescribable!

Praise the Lord! OH TO BE REFRESHED AND FILLED TO OVERFLOWING.......stay in the river Beth :)

love you

Andrea said...

He always meets us in our desperation. He is awesome!
Blessings, andrea

Laurie said...

I can relate to all you shared. I have felt that distance too in recent times. I wish I could say that I pressed in as you have:( Today, I read Scripture in my morning time and as I was out with my family He reminded me of the words I read this morning. I long to hear Him speak and it refreshed me. I appreciate your transparency and your heart for the Lord. I pray that I could be as broken. Blessings, Laurie

Heart2Heart said...

Beth,

Thank you for sharing a very special spiritual moment with all of us with your exclusive one on one time with God.

May God continue to pour forth His blessings on you!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Lisa said...

Transparency and honesty is one of the reasons that I love coming to your blog.
I love how God can use just a few simple words to fill the empty spaces to overflowing.
His word is life! I praise Him for His glorious word.
Blessings ~ Lisa

Nancy M. said...

That is just so awesome! Great testimony!

Tammy said...

I've come to the understanding that it's when I'm in the desert that I find Him.


So much truth in this..."Perhaps to show me that my relationship with Him isn't about a feeling. It's just about Him."

love and hugs~Tammy

3 Blessings said...

Beautiful! Thank you for always sharing your heart and your love for Christ.
Blessings,
Amy

Collette@Jesuslovesmums said...

Sometimes we don't feel Him in the way we maybe have in the past but He is still there!
Collette xx

Epiphany said...

Sometimes I wonder if that absence of God is God's way of showing us that when we think He's NOT there with us, that He was all along. That the absolute emptiness we feel without Him is so awful, so "empty". Maybe He sees that we (definitely ME) just don't appreciate Him enough to even realise He is there sometimes.

Marion Methodist said...

I am still there and still searching. Please keep me in your thoughts as I struggle onward.

Marion Methodist said...

Okay that was not suppose to be marion methodist, but Holly