“We can allow God to take our greatest hurts and losses and turn them into seed for our greatest spiritual growth”
“But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 4:29)
This past week, I have been earnestly seeking a deeper relationship with my precious Lord. I have been digging and searching and seeking and desiring and longing. I have been studying His Word like never before. I have been looking for that more intense fellowship with Him. I have been crying out to Him for just a glimpse. Just a touch. Just a Word. Just Him.
I can’t really explain it, but I have felt such an emptiness these last few days. I experienced a season of serious brokenness one night and then the next morning – woosh… I was just void of feeling. I would listen to my praise and worship music and would get nothing. I would cry out and pray fervently and would get nothing. I would read the word and would get nothing. No matter what I did, I couldn’t “feel” His presence like I so desired. I felt like He had just left me and I couldn’t bear it! I knew He hadn’t – I was standing on the promise in His Word that He would NEVER leave me nor forsake me. I was standing on the promise that if I would seek Him I would find Him. But for some reason, He had me right where He wanted me.
I was face down. I was broken. I was searching. I was seeking. I was desperate. I was hungry. No, I was starving!
A sweet sister sent me to Psalm 119. I sat down at my desk early this morning and began reading. After I finished my daily devotion time and my daily bible reading, I headed right to Psalm 119. I wasn’t expecting anything which I suppose was wrong, but I felt like I was just grasping for straws and didn’t want to get my hopes up.
“For Your Word has given me life” (Psalm 119:50)
I got to that verse and before I could even finish those few words, the tears just started pouring out of my eyes and flowing down my face. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt the sweet presence of My Lord and Savior just fall down upon me. Yes! I just started praising Him. Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord! I was just filled with such joy at this revelation in my spirit and just wanted to jump and down!
In that small verse, He spoke life to me. In that small verse, He renewed my spirit. In that small verse, He showed me new mercy today.
I feel restored and refreshed. I feel wrapped up in His arms. I feel peace and safety. I feel like I have come home.Why did I feel so lost and empty? Perhaps my heavenly Father wanted a little more of me. A little more of my time. Perhaps to show me how much I need Him daily. Perhaps to show me that my relationship with Him isn't about a feeling. It's just about Him. I needed this reminder of who God really is and who I really am. I am lost without Him. I am nothing without Him. He is my everything. He is my all in all. He is the Word that has given me life. He strengthens me by His Word.
I praise you Lord for who You are in my life. I praise you for showing yourself mightily to me today. I praise you for the promises in your precious Word that I can reach out and hold on to and glory in and hide in the depths of my soul. You are life to me.