Yearning of the Heart

'In the deep recesses of man's soul lies an

overwhelming yearning toward the Creator'

(A.W. Tozer)

I love that God created us to yearn for Him. To crave Him. To want to know Him intimately and personally and deeply. I love that God wants to be wanted. And I love it even more that I want Him in that way. 

I am not satisfied with the depth of my relationship with Him. I want more.  But it's not just enough to want more. I know that I have to do more to get more. I have to spend more time in His precious Word. Not just reading but digging deep. Studying. Searching. Fervently seeking new revelations. I have to be expecting an encounter. Desiring to experience Him in a mighty way.

Tozer says that " a person must know where he is before he can comprehend where he needs to be". It's knowing what the scriptures say about what the life of a Christian looks like and then striving to line our life up to that. It's about acknowledging the depth of our own sin. Our own depravity. Our failure to line up with the example that Christ set before us. And then determining to do whatever it takes to strive daily for a life of holiness. And godliness. It's about the realization that we can never be anything more than that without the grace and mercy of God. All we are and all we can be is only because of what He enables and empowers us to be through His precious Son, Jesus Christ.

How amazing is it that of all the creations of God, man is the one who gets to experience the majesty of His presence?  Our purpose on this earth is to fellowship with God and to delight in His presence. And when we do that, we desire to share that with others. In fact, we can't help but do that very thing. When we know that greatest thing in the world, it is only natural that we want others to know as well.

Our relationship with our Savior is one that must grow daily. Our spiritual walk has to be increasing in its intensity and depth if we are to ever be who God intends us to be in Him. We must cultivate a spirit of fervency in our quest to experience Him and His presence in our lives.

I am overwhelmed at the height and depth and breadth of God's love for me. And His patience and long-suffering with me. And the amount of mercy and grace He has dispensed to me in my life. He is absolutely amazing and He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

As I sit in a hospital room watching my sister get a massive dose of chemo that will wipe out her bone marrow in 24 hours my heart is heavy. But as I think about the 12 million stem cells they harvested from her 3 short months ago and think about the fact that tomorrow they will infuse them back into her bloodstream to give her new life and I am in awe of Him. I stand amazed at the wonder of who He is. And how He has carried my sister and my family on this roller coaster of a journey we have been on. 

As I ponder the sweet goodness of my Lord, I purpose in my heart to try harder to be more like  Him. I have so much room for improvement in my spiritual life and I want to please Him above all else. In the words of Tozer himself, I want to want Him. I long to be filled with more longing. I thirst to be made more thirsty still. And I desire to rest in His presence. 

I will come before Him in silence and just sit. Listening for His voice. Waiting to hear. And then I pray I will begin to see the pulsating Heart of God. And respond to it with passion.

miracles do happen

I love the recounting in the book of Mark of the woman with the issue of blood. A woman who had been in deep need of healing for 12 solid years. A woman who had been in a state of despair and defeat for a very long time. A woman who had spent everything she had seeking an answer to her problem to no avail. A woman who just needed a Healer. A Savior. Jesus.

I love that Jesus was on His way to heal another person. A little girl "at the point of death", the King James Version tells us. And as Jesus walks with her father to attend to her need of healing, this woman hears of His presence and presses in to the crowd and reaches up and touches his garment. For she knew that if she could only just touch His clothes, she would be made whole. She had that kind of faith in the Lord. The kind of faith that delivers wholeness and healing to the broken and battered. The kind of faith that brings hope.  And the scriptures tell us that immediately, she was made whole. 

As our Lord walked on His way, he felt the power leave Him. He knew that someone had touched His clothes.  And as He inquired as to who had touched Him, the woman fell down before Him and admitted to being the one. Our precious Lord said unto her, "Daughter, thy faith had made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague"

What a picture of the compassion of our Savior! What a picture of the deep love He has for those who reach out to Him in need!  This woman sought out Jesus and then took the initiative to just reach out and touch the very clothes that He wore. She sensed the greatness of His power. She just knew that He was the One who could heal her. And He did.

Oh, if we would just reach out and touch the hem of our Savior's garment! If we would just have the kind of faith that this woman had. We would be made whole and be more useful for the kingdom of God!

Why do we find it so easy to believe good things for other people? Why do we find it easy to believe that miracles happen to others, but just not to us? Why don't we believe that our Lord wants those amazing things to happen in our own lives? It is called unbelief. And it is bondage. And we have to break free from that if we are to ever live in the kind of freedom that Christ desires for us. 

You see, the word unbelief in the original Greek language is the word "apistia". It is a word that means faithlessness or uncertainty; unworthy of trust; lack of confidence in God's power.

When you look at the word in that manner, it really cuts deep. When we are guilty of unbelief, we are actually saying that we don't think that God has the power to heal us. Or save us. Or be who He is. And that is sad.

When we read the Holy Scriptures, we should read the accounts of the precious people who received healing from our Lord and embrace it! And revel in it! And we should know without a shadow of a doubt that what God did back then, He can do now! 

I love that our Savior gave us example after example of His power in the bible. He showed us over and over that He has Authority and Sovereignty. And that He can and does heal.

But the beauty of our Lord and Savior, is that even when the healing process takes time, He is there with us. If God chooses to heal over time, He walks beside you every step of the way. He never leaves us unattended. He never leaves us floundering and flailing about. He gently leads us and it is up to us to follow Him. 

As the journey of my sister's healing is still rocking on after 8 1/2 months, I can see the sweet Hand of God along the entire walk. He has been faithful and true. He has been gracious and merciful. He has been everything that He promises to be in His Word. And we have felt His presence in our lives in a huge way.  

During the 8 months of chemo, He has been good and sweet. He has brought my sister through times of uncertainty and times of pain. He has carried her and he has sustained her. He has been the refresher of her spirit and restorer of her hope. He has been there and ministered and encouraged and worked. 

As we prepare for her stem cell transplant, we are both excited and apprehensive at the same time. There are a lot of unknowns that she is facing in these next 11 days, but we know that the God who brought us to this point, will see us through. Because that is who He is and what He does.

She will enter into the hospital on April 22nd and receive IV hydration and several different medications. April 23rd she will receive a single dose of highly potent chemo called Melphalan which will wipe out her bone marrow within 24 hours. And then April 24, she will get her own stem cells infused back into her body and new life begins! We are beyond excited about finally getting to this point in her journey. We are praying that the new cells engraft quickly and begin making new and healthy cells right away! I believe that as my sister reaches up to touch the hem of her Master's garment, He is ready to reach down and say, "thy faith hath made thee whole".

We serve an awesome and faithful God. He is the God of the good times and the bad times. He is Sovereign and He is Powerful. He is our bread of Life. Our sustenance. Our strength.  And He is good.

~~~~~~

A miracle declares "God is Sovereign"

~~

Miracles are God's way of saying,
"I AM the ONE who is and is to come"

~~

Miracles are always about God's timing,

power and purpose.

~~~

Miracles are streaked and stained with God's touch - 

not always explained but always embraced!

He is not here

These last few weeks have been hard. Gut wrenching in fact. I can count them as some of the hardest days that I have been through in my 50 years. And I have had some hard ones.

My precious father-in-law has been pretty sick since October. As his health began to go downhill over the last few months, we could see that the end of his life here on this earth was coming to a close. And about 8 days ago, he really took a turn that would indicate it was happening faster than any of us was ready for. 

Jimbo and I spent the past 8 days camped out at their house, which is conveniently next door to us, right across the parking lot of our church. We decided that we needed to be there at all hours of the day and night - just spending time with his dad and keeping a close eye on his mother. I am so glad that we had the time with both of them that we did. 

Thursday evening around 8:50 PM, my precious father-in-law drew his last breath here on earth and was immediately in presence of our Lord and King. I can just imagine what a homecoming he had in heaven as he stepped through those pearly gates! I bet there was some shoutin' going on as he saw his Savior face-to-face for the first time in 83 years!

You see, my husband's father was sure of his eternal home. There was no doubt at all, that when he had finished his life here, he had an eternal home already prepared for him in glory. My father-in-law was sure of his salvation. Sure of his relationship with his Lord. Sure of an eternity with Jesus.

What an amazing legacy he has left behind for his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. A faith in God truly lived out every day of his life. A personal and intimate relationship with his Lord that everyone who knew him could testify to. 

He was more of daddy to me than a father-in-law. I lost my sweet daddy when I was 32 years old and Jimbo's dad always did his best to be there for me on Father's day and other holidays. He was always mindful of the hurt that I had in my heart from missing my daddy. He tried to fill in that gaping hole in my life that was left behind when my father went to be with Jesus at the young age of 58. And I will always love him and respect him for that.

As we are about to celebrate the Easter season, which is all about Jesus and nothing else, I can't help but think of Pawpaw's first Easter Sunday in heaven. He will be celebrating the resurrected Savior with the Savior who resurrected! How amazing is that! 

So, tomorrow, as you go to church, don't forget about the cruel death that Jesus suffered on the cross. Don't forget about the fact that He gave up His life willingly for all who would believe on Him. And certainly don't forget that the tomb couldn't hold Him. That death couldn't keep Him. That just as He said He would, He arose on that 3rd day and is now in heaven with His Father. With our Father. Waiting for us to truly come home.

"He is not here; for He is risen,

as He said. Come, see the place

where the Lord lay"

(Matthew 28:6)

the much more in Jesus

One of the things that I love best about walking with Christ is that the journey just gets better and better.

Each step of the way brings a host of new and fabulous adventures with Jesus. As our journey progresses our steps become more determined and more purposed.

Our passion for Him burns hotter and brighter.

The further we venture from our beginnings and as we mature in Him, the closer we draw into that awesome intimacy with Christ. We ascend to a higher place with God.

We learn to tap into His mighty power through prayer and study.

As we dig deep into His Word we begin to develop a fuller, more comprehensive knowledge of God and His sovereignty. We come to know Him like never before. Our worship of Him just whets our appetite for more.

We fill ourselves up in the abundance of His sweet outpouring.

Bask in the comfort of His love embrace.

Find our place in the blessed assurance of His love and care.

And then,

We begin to experience the much more of God. The much more of His Spirit. The much more of His mercy. The much more of His grace.

Our soul starts to long for His presence. We yearn for the manifestation of that presence in our lives.

For His glory to fall on us.

For a mind-blowing, life-altering encounter with Jesus.

Our spirits are filled with expectancy and the abounding and abundant life that He promises in His Word.

We become lovers of God.

Seekers of Him.

Hungering and thirsting for the deep things.

Devouring His word.

Feasting on the bread of life.

Dining with Jesus.

Journeying with the Savior and savoring each step as He walks with us on the way.

a little child will lead....

Other than my relationship with my Lord and Savior, there is nothing quite as rewarding in this life as my precious grandchildren. They fill my heart with joy on a daily basis whether in person or just over the phone. I love to hear their little voices telling me about what they are doing or what they are learning. I love to hear them tell me how much they love me. 

The older ones are always giving me little cards or pieces of paper that they have written notes to me on. I keep them in my bible and sometimes I even use them as book marks. This morning as I was reading the Word, I opened my bible and found a book mark that Eli had made for me on Valentines Day.  This is what it says,

 "Dear Nana, happy valentines day!!! I love you ! 

Your awsome! and perfect. I love u a lot! 

Your awsomely great! Your really

to awsome 2 be true!!! I'll have

dreams about you 2nite!

Eli

As I read that, my heart was just so touched. It was as if I was reading it for the first time again, even though I had read it the day he gave it to me.  As I read in his sweet little handwriting the words he used to express his love to me, it just made me miss him and want to see him and it made me want to scoop him up in my arms and give him the biggest hug and kiss ever!

And the Lord just spoke into my spirit, "Beth, that is how I feel when you pour out your heart in praise to me!" 

Oh, my, that just made me realize how I don't praise Him enough! When my voice pours forth words of adoration to my Savior, it fills Him with joy! When I pour forth words on paper that are describing the intimacy of my relationship with my God, He is touched and moved! And it causes Him to desire to reach down and scoop me up into His embrace and give me a big hug with His holy arms!!

And I know that I don't do that enough. I know that I don't spend near enough time just giving praise and honor and glory to the One who gave His very life blood for me. I need to begin to see His goodness in everything and begin to tell Him just how good He is all the time!

I have determined in my heart that I will begin daily to consciously give voice to what I am feeling about my God. I will begin to spend more time in praise of who He is. Simply giving voice to what my spirit is experiencing. Pure, unadulterated joy. I will lift my voice to the heavens and express myself to a very Holy God and anticipate His arms wrapped around me in a sweet embrace.

Oh, He is so good!!!

"O LORD, You are my God.

I will exalt You,

I will praise Your name,

For You have done wonderful things;

Your counsels of old are

faithfulness and

truth"

(Isaiah 25:1)