do you long?

Life happens.

We get careless in our walk with God.

We neglect His Word. We fail to spend time in intimate 

communion with our Father.

Our relationship begins to suffer. Our intimacy with Him wanes.

The close bond that we once experienced loosens and we

 no longer hear His voice or feel His hand upon us like before.

Our joy decreases as we no longer live each

day in the Spirit as He so desires.

Our spirits begin to long for something. Something that 

isn't tangible.We begin to long for Him. We long

for that intimacy once more.

To hear His voice.

To feel His touch.

To experience His power.

To be in His Presence..

We need to open our eyes. And become aware.

Listen closely for the sound of His voice

in the wilderness of our lives.

Be obedient. Rise and follow

where He is leading.

Cling to His Word and devour it hungrily daily.

And, once again, we can experience the

power and pleasure of walking 

in intimate communion with God. 

We can once again

encounter Him as we feel the 

fingermarks of God on our soul.

~~~~~~~

"In the fear of the LORD is

strong confidence; and His 

children shall have a 

place of refuge"

(Proverbs 14:26)

disconnected

I sit down to write and the words fail me. I study and seek a word and I can't seem to formulate my thoughts into action.  Writing alludes me and it saddens my heart. I love to write. It is how I pour out what God is doing in my heart and in my life and when I can't seem to put pen to paper and write a coherent thought, my heart breaks. I have been confused as to why this was occurring and yet at the same time I have felt deep in my spirit that it was the Lord's doing. 

These past few weeks I have felt like He has forgotten me. And even though I know that isn't true, I have felt disconnected from His power and I can't tell you how that has broken my heart. I have pondered this over and over the last few days and come up empty every time. But as I sit here today, the Lord is working in this broken heart. He is moving in my soul and I know that for a time He had me quiet for my own good. I think that sometimes we don't appreciate the work that He is doing in our lives because we don't really see it. It becomes too ritualistic or too common. We get used to His being very present in our daily walk and so we become almost numb to the magnitude of that reality.

I think I was taking for granted the fact that He speaks to me through my writing. I wasn't spending the time that I needed, and that He desired of me, truly seeking a fresh Word from Him for my own self. So when I tried to write and the words wouldn't come, it stunned me. It hurt me. I wasn't used to that. But it has caused me to long for it even more. And to appreciate it for what it means in my life.

I honestly think that the Lord will withhold certain things from our lives to cause us to realize how important that element is to us. To cause us to begin really searching and seeking with a fervor that only He can impart in us. He gives us so many amazing gifts on a daily basis and sometimes we pass right by them without a glance. We have no idea how many times the Creator has bestowed grace and mercy on us that have gone unnoticed. 

I feel alive this morning! I feel that connection with my Savior once again. I know that He didn't leave me because His sweet and precious Word tells us that He will never do that. But I do know that He had me in a place of unrest for a season so that I would truly begin to seek Him. I don't want to ever live my life without that power connection to the Holy Spirit. I don't want to ever take for granted the marvelous works that God has wrought in my life already and the ones that He wants to work in the future.  

I want Christ living inside me and working inside me and manifesting Himself through me every single day of my life! I truly desire to be a light for Him. I want to be totally His. 

I can't imagine my life without my Lord and Savior. He has graced me in abundance from the time He saved me when I was 9 years old. He has picked me up time and time again when I have stumbled. He has shown sweet mercy on me when I have strayed from the path He was leading me on. He gently guides me back to where I need to be and graciously forgives me for my sins. 

I pray that I never enter into a season of disconnect again. It was a lonely and hurtful place, even in the short time I was there. But in that place of confusion and seeking and desperation, I felt the Hand of my God reach down and say, " Now, my sweet child, Here I am, follow me...."

"And we know that the Son of God has come

and has given us understanding so that we

may know the true One. We are in the true One - 

that is, in His Son Jesus Christ. He is the

true God and eternal life"

(1 John 5:20)

look up

Are you struggling in your walk today? Have you allowed yourself to get lazy in the study of the Word of God? Have you allowed yourself to neglect your prayer time?

Many of us have been in this exact position in our lives at one time or another. It is easy to allow our spiritual walk to grow sluggish over time. Because the truth is that it takes an effort on our part to keep it active. It takes a real determination of our spirit to make God the priority in our life. 

We let the world bog us down and we allow the things of the world to come in and snatch that first place position from the rightful One. We let our priorities get all out of whack and we began to seek the things of the flesh instead of the things of the Spirit. We begin to neglect our Creator and begin to spend time worshiping the creation instead.  And slowly, our time with Him gets less and less until we barely acknowledge His existence at all. We don't pick up His Holy Word. We don't engage in prayer with our Savior. We don't give Him a second thought. Until the crisis comes.

And believe me, it will come. If we are breathing, we will experience hard times in this life. We can count on that. We will become 'stuck' in this life and need someone to set us free. And that Freedom-giver is Jesus. 

We should never be ashamed to admit that we need God. We should never be ashamed to admit that we have struggles in this life. Sometimes I think that we equate being needy to weakness. And in the flesh that is not a good thing. But to be needy in the Spirit is to be right where God desires us to be!

We are lacking, sinful, broken and in need. In our brokenness, we find God. And in that place is where God wants us to long for Him. Oh, how He desires for us to long! The scriptures tell us we are like a deer panting for the water! Over and over His precious Word tells us to seek Him!

God desires for us to see our sin and our weakness. He wants us to acknowledge it. And then He wants us to sit at His Feet, give it to Him and drink in His mercy and grace. 

For any who are struggling, just look up to the heavens and begin seeking a new and revived relationship with the LORD. It is never too late to begin seeking. It is never too late to begin anew.  It is never too late to receive the new mercies that He promises in His Word.

Get away from all distractions and get out the precious scriptures. Sit at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to minister to your spirit. Rise from there with a newly purposed heart to keep God number one in priority. You will never be the same...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"As God is exalted to the right place in our lives, 

a thousand problems are solved all at once." - (Andrew Murray)

Joy

So many things fill my heart with JOY. First and foremost is my Savior. I am so humbled and so grateful every day of my life, that my sweet Lord reached His Hand down to me 42 years ago and I reached up and became His. There is nothing in this world that can compare to that kind of joy. Nothing at all. 

It's hard to believe sometimes that God has been so good to me when I know I don't deserve it. But that is the beautiful thing about the grace of God - we can never do anything to earn it or merit it. It is undeserved but it is so amazing.  A very loving God bestows it upon His children because of the vast love He has for us. A love that is incomprehensible. A love that surpasses all that we can think or imagine. A love that He has for His creation that enables us to love in return.

""We love Him, because He first loved us"

(1 John 4:19)

What other things fill my heart with JOY? 

My precious grandchildren do it every day of my life.  Whether they are just wrapping their precious arms around me to giving me warm hugs and kisses or crawling up in lap to simply snuggle, they fill me with JOY.

When they ride in the car with me and pick up my bible to read it while we are driving, my heart overflows. And I remind myself that is why I always keep a bible in the car. 

When Eli is reciting all of Psalm 1 to me and Mercie pipes in with some of the verses, I am filled with JOY. I love to hear my grand-kids recite scripture. Whether I hear them in person or they tell me over the phone, it makes me so thankful for a God who works in the lives of those who are His. 

I love it when Mikaela sits at my desk in my study and reads the Word. She has such a precious and teachable heart and it makes me joyful that she loves to read the bible. When she was younger she always said she wanted to be 'a bible study girl' like her Nana. Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a love for your Word that I have passed on to my daughters and grandchildren. 

Prayer has been such a powerful force in my life for over 40 years. From the healing the Lord blessed me with when I was 10 years old to the healing that my children and grandchildren have experienced, I have come to depend on prayer to get me through every day. I can't imagine a life without prayer. My grown children still call me to pray with them and for them at various times in their lives. They know that nothing is too small or too big to talk to our God about. 

The importance that we have placed on our prayer lives have crossed over into the lives of my grandchildren. When they are sick,  even after their mother's have prayed for them,  they will still ask their mother to call 'Nana' to pray. They know that I will stop whatever I am doing and pray with them and for them over the phone. That always fills me with JOY.

"The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD

will receive my prayer"

(Psalm 6:9)

When my children are in another state working, I miss them and  my grandchildren so much. But I am blessed that they call me every day to talk to me and I get to hear those precious grand-baby voices often. Hearing those little ones tell me they miss me and love me fills me with JOY even in the sadness of missing them.

Hearing their little voices singing songs about Jesus fill me with JOY. Seeing them reading their bible  fills me with JOY. Listening to them tell me what they learned in church that day and sensing their excitement fills me with JOY.

JOY.... true joy is only available through the amazing love of Christ. Through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. True JOY is only felt when it is in tandem with the love of God. Only He can give that kind of JOY. 

We will never be able to attain it without a relationship with Him. We will never deserve it. But praise the Lord, He has it readily available to His children. When we walk with Him in obedience, we begin to live in the Spirit. When we live in the Spirit and allow Him to guide our lives, the natural outpouring of that  is JOY. 

A JOY that never ends. That is what a life in Christ promises us. Joy unending. Joy in the good times as well as in the bad times. Because when you know the true JOY giver, that is enough. He is enough. And that in itself should fill us with unspeakable Joy.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nana and Papa with Sawyer, Liam, Bryton and Laylah Beth

Nana and Papa with Mercie, Titus, Eli, Mikaela and Silas

give me a drink

"The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water..."

(John 4:15a)

What powerful words came out of the Samaritan woman's mouth that day and she didn't even realize the depth of what she spoke. She had come face-to-face with the Messiah and had yet to be enlightened to that fact.

She was still dealing with the truth that a Jewish man was actually speaking to her. Actually having a conversation with her and that he asked her for a drink. This Samaritan woman was seeing things in the literal sense and the spiritual meaning of what was taking place went right by her. 

How many of us, who profess a life of Christianity, miss the spiritual application of the Word of Christ at times?  Sadly, we can get too literal minded sometimes and totally miss out on the beautiful lessons that our Lord is trying to teach us in the spiritual realm.

In verse 10 of that passage, after Jesus asks her for a drink, the woman's responses is that of an almost gentle rebuke as to why a Jew would even be giving a Samaritan a second glance. And the precious and tender answer of our Lord is filled with the amazing gospel message.

"If thou knewest.... thou wouldest have asked of Him.....and He would have given thee Living Water"

We must tell all people about the great and mighty Savior that we serve. The gospel  message of Christ should always be on our lips. We should always be ready to give others a cup of that cool water of the Lord. The Living Water, that is Jesus Christ, is water that will forever quench and satisfy our deep thirst.

The Samaritan woman had not a clue as to the spiritual truth being spoken, but the conviction was beginning to be formed in her heart. Once conviction comes, then and only then can there be the conversion of souls. Jesus didn't accuse her of anything, he allows her to accuse herself. And then the enlightenment of her spirit begins to come and she encounters her own sin and her deep need for a drink from the Master.

"Sir, give me this water", is a cry that we still need to be uttering even after our own salvation experience. May we never quench our thirst with anything but Jesus. May we stand before Him with our arms stretched toward heaven, holding our empty cups and ask Him for water. 

 And then, we need to allow His Living Water to spring forth in our lives, overflow and drench those around us. 

May our hearts cry always be for water from the only source that brings life. 

tap into the power

How do we tap into God's power for our life. Do we really believe that it is available to us?  Have you given much thought to this? Where does it come from? The Power of God in our lives comes from His precious Word. The sacred scriptures hold all the power that we will ever need. The God-breathed, Holy Spirit-inspired, indestructible, eternal and uncompromising Word of God. 

God Almighty has supreme authority over all and it is through the amazing and powerful Word of God that He exercises that authority over all of creation. Through the inspired Book of the Lord, God speaks to man and makes His will known to us.

When we pick up the bible, we need to pick it up with reverence. We need to lift it up to our hearts in awe and wonder. We need to cherish it for the beautiful treasure that it is to us! In our hands we can hold the uttered words of God that can bring us life or bring us death. Just think about that!

God's Word is light for our darkness and strength for our weariness. It gives hope where there is only helplessness and it gives cleansing to the depraved soul. It brings grace and mercy to the wounded of spirit and it shines bright the path for the lost to follow. 

And yet.... we neglect it and we fail to tap into that amazing power that our God so lovingly and graciously provided for us. And all we have to do is pick up His Holy book. Open it up. And read it. 

But we must read it with expectancy. Expectancy of spirit. And we must read it with an open heart. Ready to receive the blessings that pour forth from it like a well springing forth a gushing fountain of water! It is ours to claim if we would just receive it into our hearts and believe that what it says is true.

God's Word. A.W. Tozer says, "It is our terror and our hope. If we engage it in faith, humility and obedience, it gives life, cleanses, feeds and defends. If we close it in unbelief or ignore it or resist it, it will accuse us before the God who gave it."

Can we afford to neglect such a powerful thing? God's Word is life to us! It is the vehicle that He uses to speak to our hearts. To guide us. To lead us. To instruct us. And when we believe it down into the marrow of our bones and engage it, God begins to do a mighty work in our hearts and lives. 

Oh, how I love the precious Holy Word of God! 

Do we want to be empowered by God? By the Holy Spirit? If we do, we need to begin taking the Word of God seriously! 

"Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God"  

(Romans 10:17)

If we aren't seeking the Word, studying the Word and seriously abiding by the Word, how will our faith ever grow? The truth of the matter is, it won't. Our faith will only flounder and fizzle if we aren't keeping ourselves rooted in the scriptures.  The scriptures must have great authority in our lives if we desire to live lives that glorify and magnify His Name. 

We water down the Word's authority and importance when we neglect it. We weaken its authority when we don't heed it and obey it. We negate the power of our Lord and Savior when we don't ascribe to Him the authority and sovereignty that is His! What a tragedy!

Let's begin to truly reverence the Holy Word of God. Let's begin to read it with hearts that desire to be rooted deep in His Word and with a fervency for it to become more precious to us every day. 

Breathe on us, O breath of God, and speak to us from the pages of your Holy Word. May we read it with expectant and hungry hearts. May we read it with acknowledgement of Your divine and Holy authority and cling tightly to the promise and power that it holds. May we read it like we may never get the chance to read it again.....

"Thy Word have I hid in mine heart,

that I might not sin against Thee" 

(Psalm 119:11)

TRUTH and holiness

It is time for us to begin seeking a deeper and deeper relationship with our LORD. It is time for us to truly begin to know Him for who He is and begin to truly make that who we are. It is time for us to move into a more personal and more intimate relationship with the Creator of all - the only True and Living God. 

How do we begin to do this? By starting to seek true holiness in our lives. We need to be unsatisfied in our spiritual walks. Unsatisfied to the point that it causes us to begin to dig deeper into His Word. To begin to search farther than we ever have before. Searching daily for a fresh revelation in His Word. Looking for nuggets of TRUTH that will feed our spirits.

The bible tells us in 1 Timothy 4 that we have to be nourished in the Word. That means we have to be feeding ourselves the precious scriptures. We have to be feasting on the God-breathed Word of God and allowing it to seep deep within our bones and settle. Planting it and watering it and allowing it to grow.

We have to open our ears to hear the Word spoken and then hide it within our hearts so it can begin to do a good work. We can't just hear and do nothing with it, we must take it and apply it to our lives so it can begin to change us into who He desires for us to be. We have to live out the TRUTH! Ponder on it and study it and allow the Holy Spirit to put it to work in us. Striving to be Holy as our God is Holy.

Holiness is not about following rules - it is about following Christ. It's about walking in the footsteps of the Holy. It's about obeying what His Word tells us to do. It's about knowing what Christ expects of us by reading the bible. He tells us clearly in the written Word how we are to behave if we are His children. 

The more we allow Christ to dwell in our hearts and teach us and grow us, the more we realize just how far we have to go. The more we learn, the more we realize there is to learn. The more we seek, the more there is to seek. The closer we draw to our Lord, the farther away we realize we were. God takes us from strength to strength, teaching us along the way and helping us to grow step-by-step into who He saved us to be.

What does it mean to be Holy? To be spiritually pure. To be filled with TRUTH. To be devoted to the service of God. To be godly and devout in our behavior. To be like Him.

Holiness is about searching our hearts and confronting the impurities found within. It's about recognizing the things inside of us that don't bring glory and honor to Christ. It's about seeing the things that go against TRUTH and determining to turn them into TRUTH. 

"Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? And who may

stand in His Holy place? He who has clean hands and a

pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood and

has not sworn deceitfully."

(Psalm 24:3-4)

If there is deceit in our hearts, we can't find God. If there are lies where there should be TRUTH, we can't find God. How can we serve Him if our soul is unclean? It is time to walk through the furnace of TRUTH and allow the things that are lies and falsehoods to be burned away. To abide in the Holy place of Christ requires that we be honest and TRUTHful. TRUTHfulness leads to Holiness every time.

May we have a zeal for TRUTH as we pursue a life of Holiness in Christ! As we search God's heart, we will find TRUTH and in the process we will find our own hearts as well. As we find Him, we discover ourselves. We begin to see our hearts in the light of His heart and TRUTH is revealed. No condemnation, but a chance to confess and repent so we can be cleansed and forgiven. And then we will be delivered from the power of sin and deception.

As we begin striving for TRUTH, the striving for Holiness follows. Let's allow the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and reveal our sinful nature and less than truthful ways. Allow His TRUTH to penetrate us so we can begin making the necessary changes in our lives and in our hearts and in our spirits to truly pursue a life of Holiness. He is worthy.

are you struggling?

The Christian life is a daily struggle. Or I should say, if you are truly attempting to live a Christian life, it is... There are many that are just playing the game of Christianity and they are sailing through life seemingly fine on the surface with no evidence of struggle. 

 But the truth is, those who are trying to live a life of godliness and holiness will face struggles on their journey. Our flesh rebels against the holy. Our flesh rebels against righteousness.  Natural man does not desire the things of the Spirit. But, when we have Christ abiding in our hearts, we can overcome that rebellious spirit by the power of the One who lives in us! We can crucify that old flesh and truly desire a life of holiness. We can daily deny our self and strive for righteous living. But it is only possible with Christ. And it will take a daily walking in the Spirit. In His Spirit. 

A. W. Tozer says this, "Any belief that does not command the daily walk of the one who holds it, is not a real belief."

When we face these struggles, it is flesh warring with spirit. We must be well grounded in our faith if we are going to be able to stand against the enemy! We must be keeping ourselves deep in the Word of God if we are going to have any chance in this world. It requires a daily walking in the Lord! It requires digging deep into the precious scriptures so we can truly know our God! Read the Word. Study His Word. Hide it in your heart so you can truly know it!

Too many times, there is an inconsistency in our words and our lives. We say we love God, but we fail in obedience. We say we are His children, but we don't love others. We are harboring secret sins, bad attitudes, ungodly habits and character flaws. 

We know that God desires for us to leave all those behind but we just keep dragging them with us! We have them chained to our leg just in case we need them along the way. But if we are to live a victorious life in Christ, it is time to let go of those things that are holding us captive and walk in freedom! Freedom in the One who died to give us that freedom. Freedom in Christ!

Do you love Him? Do what He says. Keep His commandments. Obey His Word. Strive to be holy as He is holy. Study to show yourself approved in Him. 

It won't be easy. The second you purpose in your heart to live for Christ that day, the enemy will rise up against you. But if you carry His Word in your heart, you are armed with the offensive weapon necessary to defeat the enemy and stop him in his tracks. There is power in the Word of God. Know His Word. Memorize it. Study it. Guard it. And carry it with you always. It won't keep you from having struggles, but it will keep those struggles from having you....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Our great need is to fall before an 

Almighty Father day and night and to plead

for Him to show His radical power in and

through us, enabling us to accomplish for His

glory what we could never imagine in our

own strength" (David Platt - Radical)

true spirit hunger

“O God, thou are my God: early will I see thee: 

my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh

 longeth for thee in a dry and 

thirsty land, where no water is”

(Psalm 63:1)

~~~~

Do you ever feel empty?

Do you ever have a gnawing hunger inside of you but it isn't for physical food?

Do you try and fill that hunger with the things of God or with the things of this world?

Do the things of this world bring you satisfaction that lasts or are they merely a temporary remedy that fades quickly. A fleeting panacea for the soul that somehow never gives us the relief we are looking for.

We can derive that temporal kind of satisfaction when we are trying to excel at our jobs or when we are working toward a goal that we have set for ourselves. We can even strive to become better wives, better mothers, better grandmothers and even better friends. We can even strive to become better Christians.

But all of that does us no good if we aren't experiencing a true hunger of the spirit. Because until we really recognize the deep, gnawing hunger of our souls as an emptiness that only Christ can fill, we will remain in a state of spiritual starvation. And no amount of personal gain can satiate our spirits in a permanent way. Not ever. 

We need to reach the point in our lives that the only thing we truly hunger for is God. That our spirit cries out in sheer desperation for something that can only be delivered to us by our sweet Lord.

I want my appetite to be desirous of Him and Him only. Because the truth of the matter is, when we are desirous of Him and we allow Him to fill those empty places that beg to be occupied, all the other things in our life will begin to fall in  place.

I want to feast on His Word and I desire to continually dine with my Savior. I want His Word to fulfill the yearning of my soul. I long for a never-ending buffet laid out by the One who can ease the hunger pains and satisfy even the hungriest soul.

I want an ever-increasing hunger for the Bread of Life.  I desire to be head-over-heels in love with my Savior every day. All day. Forever and ever.

If we want to get to this place in our lives - a place where our true desire is an authentic, intimate, committed relationship with Jesus - we need to be desperate.

What is the definition of desperate?

1. Having lost hope

2. Moved by despair

3. Suffering extreme need or anxiety

4. Involving extreme danger or possible disaster

5. Involving extreme measures in an attempt to escape defeat

Have you been there? Are you there now? Are you perhaps teetering on the brink?

What are you desperate for? Better job? More money? More things? Bigger houses? Nicer car? New clothes?  Better relationships?

All of those things will provide a very temporary fix for our longings. But absolutely none of them will even begin to reach that deep down, persistent, empty gnawing of the spirit that cries out for something that will fill it up permanently.

Only God can do that.

We can try and fill it up on our own but it will never be enough. We must be filled with the things of the Spirit. We must get our contentment and sense of well-being from Christ. He has to be enough in our lives or we will never find peace. 

When we cry out in our wilderness wanderings, the God who sees will find us there. He will hear the intense longing in our voices and He will beckon to us to join Him at the waters edge. 

The God who sees us will open our eyes so we can see Him and then He will quench the hunger and thirst that we have with a sweet and satisfying drink from Him. The Living Water.

Our desperation is satisfied only with God’s provision.

“And He humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger,

and fed thee with manna….. Man doth not live by bread

alone, but by every word that proceeded out of the

mouth of the LORD doth man live”

(Deuteronomy 8:3)

There is power in spiritual hunger. If we allow God to gently turn our gaze toward heaven, He will totally redefine our lives with amazing glimpses of His perfect and satisfying love that we will see and experience.

“And Jesus said unto them, I am the 

bread of life: he that cometh to me shall

 never hunger; and he that believeth

 on me shall never thirst” 

(John 6:35)

Are you hungry? Open the Word and feast to your hearts content. Let the precious words of God satisfy that longing in your soul and let it satisfy even the most ravenous appetite. 

not what we wanted

One year ago today, my morning started with joyful expectation as I made my way to the hospital to witness the birth of my grandson Titus. That evening, as I was still basking in the miracle of birth, my joy quickly turned to devastation as I received a phone call that suddenly snatched the rug right out from under me. My precious sister had cancer. A diagnosis that was unexpected and unwelcome.

It has been a long year. My sister has undergone many, many months of chemo and blood work and painful procedures. She has gone through the time consuming and tedious process of stem cell collection. In April of this year she underwent a stem cell transplant that required a lengthy hospital stay, a high dose of a strong chemo drug, Melaphan, followed by the infusion of her own stem cells back into her body, and the subsequent and not so pleasant side effects that go hand-in-hand with this process. She lost all of her hair and most of her strength. 

After the transplant, the waiting period begins. A 90-day waiting period. It takes that long for your system to rebuild itself and for your bone marrow to begin producing blood cells again in sufficient amounts. The 90-day mark is when they do the retesting and re-staging of your blood to see if the transplant accomplished its intended goal. Complete remission. 

So, today was the day. Exactly one year after diagnosis, we found ourselves sitting in the BMT clinic waiting for the news.

This whole year, the Lord has been so good and so faithful to us all. He has carried us when we felt we couldn't walk anymore. He has sheltered us when we needed a refuge. He has been gracious and loving and kind throughout our journey through the unknown. Our Lord has given us scriptures to stand on, verses to cling to and the promises of His Holy Word to hide in our hearts.

My sweet God has given me peace along the way and He has given me the strength I needed to keep my eyes focused on Him. I haven't wavered in my faith and have held tight to the scripture He gave me at the very beginning of this hard journey. 

But He knows the way that I take; 

when He has tried me, I shall

come forth as gold"

(Job 23:10)

I knew deep down in my heart that no matter what, God was doing a work in my sister and in me and in my entire family. I knew that no matter what, He would be there for us and with us. I knew that whatever this journey entailed, my sister was going to come forth as gold. 

Although today didn't bring the words that we all longed to hear, we are okay. The transplant didn't achieve complete remission, but she did have a 62% reduction in the disease. In multiple myeloma they call that a partial response. Anything over 50% is considered this type of response. She had never achieved this with the other chemotherapy drugs they tried, so I took this as a victory of sorts. We didn't get what we wanted, but we got what God allowed. He has a plan and I know that whatever that plan is, He will be right beside us on the journey.

So now, she goes back to her oncologist and she once again begins a regimen of chemotherapy. We start this whole process over again. Our goal is to keep the myeloma cells from progressing. A goal that is possible because the God that I serve is mighty and powerful and can do all things. 

I have complete peace tonight. I have a very broken heart, but I also have peace.  I wanted my sister to hear 'complete remission' so bad. But that isn't the case so we take what we've been dealt and we go forward. We continue to trust in our awesome God. We continue to bask in His goodness and His mercy. We keep believing for the miracle that is in the making. And we keep our eyes focused on Him and His precious Word. 

He is good. And the beautiful thing about my Jesus is that He loves us with an everlasting  and all encompassing love.  And in times like this, that is enough. 

captive thoughts

I keep promising myself that I will soon get back to blogging on a regular basis. I think about it and then just put it off. It seems like my brain has a hard time formulating lucid thoughts sometimes. I just have so much going on. So much on my mind. So much happening in my life. I get overwhelmed and then I get frustrated and so I just don't write. But God has shown me so many little nuggets of wisdom that I feel compelled to share some of them. 

He is always teaching me. My prayer has been to keep a teachable heart. To keep a teachable spirit. I don't ever want to get to the point in my life that I don't desire a fresh Word from Him daily! He is so good to impart this to us if we just ask Him! So many times we think that God isn't working in our lives but the reality is we just aren't listening to what He is teaching. 

As believers, we have a hedge of protection around us when we are walking in obedience to our Lord. satan can't touch us unless God allows it and then it is only for a season and only for a purpose. Now, don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that God causes bad things to happen to us. I am just saying that because of the fall of man, satan is alive and scouring his way through this world looking to devour God' people at every turn. There are times in our lives, that God allows things to take place to teach us, to bring us back to Him, to build our character and our faith and to build our testimony so that we can then minister to others.

Through our sin and unbelief, we can abandon our refuge. Our place of protection. We can turn our backs on our Lord and leave ourselves open and vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy. It is easy to do if we aren't keeping ourselves fed daily with His Word.

satan fights with weapons that aren't always visible. He certainly can use other people to whip us. He can use circumstances to try and defeat us. Most of the time satan wages war with us in our thought process. In our minds. We are our own worst enemy when we allow satan to captivate our minds. We must stay vigilant against the warfare that takes place in our thoughts! We must take every thought captive in Christ. 

If satan can't defeat us, he will seek to integrate us with sin. He will beckon to us and make it look attractive and even convince us that 'nobody will ever know'. The enemy is sneaky and deceptive and ready to kidnap us the minute we let our guard down.  Don't debate with the enemy. This is the first step toward defeat. He is devious and cunning and persistent in his attacks.

Too many times, people get saved and then they think that they are somehow safe. But once we have given our hearts and lives to Jesus Christ, we become a target for the wiles of satan. We must move from our unsaved, natural state into our saved and spiritual state. Our spiritual state is not one that is static in nature. It is one that is constantly moving and growing. As we feed ourselves the precious Word of God daily, we will grow and mature and begin to understand the spiritual. We will gain discernment and we will gain the ability to see deep beneath the surface of life and see truth. 

The more we seek Him, the better our spiritual vision becomes. We can begin to see the enemy moving in for attack and be on the defensive against him.  We will learn to recognize the spiritual warfare raging around us and be able to fight with what we have learned from the Sword of the Spirit. We begin to possess the mind of Christ and therefore possess His values and develop His desires for our lives. We learn to think God thoughts and not thoughts of the world.

Feast on His Word every day and begin fulfilling His purpose in your life. We are called to be holy. We are set apart by God and set apart to Him. We need reminded ourselves every day of our high and holy position as believers in Jesus Christ. We need to practice it in our daily lives. We need to be living sanctified lives that speak 'out loud' our convictions. If we continue to strive to grow in Him daily, the enemy will find himself being defeated in his attempts to derail us from our purpose. If we desire to be strong in the Lord, we must stay deep in the Word. Our only offensive weapon against the enemy is the mighty and powerful Word of God. 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do

not war after the flesh, For the weapons of our

 warfare are not carnal, but mighty

through God to the pulling down of strongholds. 

Casting down imaginations and every high thing that

exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and

bringing into captivity every thought to the

obedience of Christ"

(2 Corinthians 2:3,4,5)

sitting still

Sitting still.....

ears tuned to the quiet whispers of God.

Listening closely to hear His voice speak.

Opening my heart to be receptive to

what God desires me to hear.

Wanting to be obedient. Wanting to be submissive.

Wanting to be totally surrendered.

Open my eyes sweet Lord so I can

see your glory!

Draw me closer to your side. I want to see you!

I want to know you deeper and I want to know you fully.

Lead me in your ways and direct my paths.

Show me where you desire me to go.

Fill me with your sweet Holy Spirit

to overflowing.

I desire a downpour of you in my life. A rich, drenching rain filled with 

mercy and grace and healing.

One that will wash away the stain-filled essence

of my life.

A refreshing rain.

A restoring rain.

A redeeming rain.

Cleanse me, Oh God, and begin molding me into

a vessel fit to be used for the edification

and glorification of your Kingdom.

Lead me and guide me.

Empower me. Change my desires. Change my heart.

Change my focus. Change me.

I want to be like you. I want my life to be a light

shining bright with the countenance of your glory

and your presence in me. 

Sitting still...

ears tuned to the quiet whispers of God....

~~~~~~~

"Be still, and know that I am God..."

(Psalm 46:10)

the goodness of God

It is so easy to forget the goodness of God as we go about our daily lives. Oh, deep down we know that He is good, but we can take His goodness for granted and not spend time just dwelling on that amazing attribute of our God. He is good. All the time. It is just who He is.

There are so many things that serve to remind me every day of my life that I serve a God who is good. Just the fact that I am breathing attests to that fact. Just the fact that I am alive gives credence to the goodness of my God. But it goes much deeper than that. There are so many blessings that are mine to hold that have come straight from the Hand of my Savior. And I need to spend more time looking at them and appreciating them and acknowledging them.

1. The Holy Word that I hold in my hands is only because of the goodness of God. It is the living, breathing, awesome Word from the mouth of a very Holy and very good God.

2. The fact that I can read this precious book and understand it is a huge blessing. So thankful for the Holy Spirit that gives me revelation of the Word.

3. I have a husband who loves me and takes care of me. God blessed me with this precious man over 29 years ago and I am so thankful for that little nugget of goodness He bestowed upon me.

4. I have three amazing daughters who love their mother! Not a day goes by that my girls don't call me or text me. Sometimes many times throughout the day. They love to share their lives with me. When things aren't so great they know they have a mother who will encourage them and pray with them and for them. They are part of the goodness of God represented in my life.

5. I have some pretty amazing grandchildren. I am thankful that they love their Nana and I am thankful that I am their favorite. :) They love to spend time with me and they love to talk to me on the phone when I am not with them. Even though miles have separated us at this time, our hearts are twined together with a love that only comes from the goodness of God. I love that when they are sick, they always want their Nana to pray for them. They know how much I love them. And they know how much God loves them. 

6. Things don't always go the way we planned. But even when that happens, the goodness of God is what sees us through. He is always faithful. Always true. He is always there to comfort and bring peace. He is always showing us the way even when that way seems so different from what we think would be best. We know that His way is always the perfect way and that in His goodness, He will guide us and protect us each step of the journey.

7. God is our Healer. I can't even begin to count the number of times in my 50 years that I have experienced and witnessed the healing power of God. It all begin when I was 10 years old and He healed my diseased body and He hasn't stopped performing miracles in me and my family since then! I have seen many members of my family healed and some are still in the process of being healed. I have seen grandchildren healed. I have seen children healed. I have seen my husband healed. God is good! We just have to hold on to the faith that He can do what He says He can do!! The blessing of health is straight from the powerful and gracious Hand of a very good God.

Do you want to be more aware of the goodness of God? Take a look around. Pick up the precious book of scriptures and begin reading. Read the Word until it comes alive and you begin to feel the very breath of God on your skin. Sense His goodness.

Meditate on the Word. Read it prayerfully. Wrestle with it and experience it! Delight in it! Cultivate a real spirit of fervency in your quest to experience the goodness and the presence of God. He will not disappoint you. He will not leave you untouched in this quest. If you desire to find Him, seek Him! He wants to be found. He wants you to sense His goodness. He will show up.

Renew your love for Him. Purpose now to passionately begin seeking His presence in your life every day. Deliberately search for His goodness in your day to day existence. Seek Him with a desire for renewed intimacy. Be intentional. Be unhindered. Be purposeful in your pursuit.

And then, my friends, you will see the goodness of God in every breath you take.

"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see

the goodness of the LORD, in the land of the living"

(Psalm 27:13)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In His goodness, I was able to see these 9 grandchildren a few weeks ago as we traveled to Ohio and New Jersey and then on to Boston.

Then we came home and got to see 2 more grands!

deceiver or deceived?

"But evil men and seducers shall 

wax worse and worse, 

deceiving and being deceived"

(2 Timothy 3:13)

When we read this scripture, we tend to turn our minds toward all those people that we have deemed as deceptive in our lives. We think about the unsaved. The unchurched. Those who deny the power and existence of Christ. But rarely do we put our own selves into that equation. 

Sadly, we are deceiving ourselves in that thinking. We deceive our own minds into thinking that what we do is not nearly as bad as what others do. We deceive ourselves into thinking that our sin is somehow not that bad. We don't see that we are indeed 'evil men' at times. 

We deceive ourselves by buying into the world's agenda. The 'American Dream' hijacks our thinking and we seem to think that if we only had this or if we only had that we would then be happy. Oh, how wrong that thought process is. We want nicer cars, better homes, more clothes, more 'stuff' and bigger and better toys.

We don't find satisfaction in our daily lives so we search for it in all the wrong places. All the wrong venues. We seek and we seek and we deceive ourselves into thinking that we can find this satisfaction outside of God.

Truth is, the only way we will find complete satisfaction in our lives is in our intimate search of Jesus. Only by drawing closer and closer to Him will we ever find a contentment that truly gives us peace. And rest. And joy.

There are plenty of deceivers in our world just waiting to infiltrate our lives. Just waiting to get into our thoughts and into our actions. We need to be on guard that we, ourselves, don't become our own worst enemy. 

We must keep ourselves engrossed in the Word of God. Filling our minds with things that matter. His things. His Words. His commands.

The world would have us think we can find rest in the temporal. I look around my house and see many things that serve no purpose. They are there just for aesthetic purposes. Just to look nice. How much money have I spent on things that have absolutely no eternal value at all. Somehow we think that if we surround ourselves with pretty things...with nice things..with the luxuries of this world, then we will be okay. But that is so far from the truth. We will never find perfect peace in anything or anybody or any place other than in the arms of Jesus.

He alone satisfies. He alone fulfills us. He alone keeps us wrapped in peace. If we search anywhere else for that comfort, we will come up short every time. Temporal never trumps eternal. Never.

Temporal satisfies for a season. Eternal satisfies deeply, completely and from everlasting to everlasting. Don't let the deceivers of this world cause you to seek satisfaction anywhere except in Jesus. He alone can satisfy the longings of our hearts. He is enough. 

Thank you, sweet Jesus, that You alone are enough to satisfy. Help me to keep my eyes on You and to keep my focus on eternal things. I don't need 'stuff' to make me complete. I only need You. I only want You. You fulfill me and complete me and you are truly enough.

keep it stirred..

As I was preparing for my Sunday night class this week, I came across a quote in my commentary on the book of Nehemiah.  The quote is by General William Booth, the founder of the Salvation Army and it is quite eye-opening.

"Bear in mind that it is the nature of a fire to go out;

you must keep it stirred and fed and the ashes removed"

I am not sure of the exact context of General Booth's quote, but I know when I read it I immediately thought of my Christian walk. And just how easy it is to let the fires of my devotion to God burn out. Even when I am so determined to guard against that happening. 

It is amazing how we can get our fire for the Lord burning so hot and so bright and then we just stop. We sit back and let it slowly burn down until all we have left is smoldering embers and a little bit of smoke. I have been guilty of this so many times and it just breaks my heart when I think about it. I can be on fire one minute and flameless the next. 

As I read this quote today, I felt the conviction fall on me immediately. My fire is certainly not burning as hot as I desire it to burn. And it is no ones fault but my own. I have no one to blame but myself. 

You see, our Christian walk is in need of constant maintenance. We have to keep those fires stirred up and fed. We have to keep those ashes removed so they don't quench the flames. We must be purposed in our pursuit. And we must be pursuing Him daily. Once we find Him, we don't just go about our business and neglect Him. We must keep feeding that fire that burns within our souls so the flame never goes out!

We must stay in the Word! It is of the utmost importance that we feed ourselves from the precious and Holy scriptures daily. The Bread of Life is truly what nourishes our souls and we must partake of it on a regular basis. If we don't feast on it every day a little bit of our fire goes out. If we don't eat the Word we will starve that fire and it will have nothing to keep it stoked. 

I love the Word of God and I love the study of the scriptures. And I know that no matter how much time I spend communing with my Father through His Word, it is never enough. I want more.  He deserves more. 

There are so many things that tend to distract us from the things that are most important. There is nothing wrong with reading a book or playing a game or watching television. Unless those things are keeping you from spending time with Jesus. Unless those things are contrary to the teachings of Christ. Unless those things are unspiritual, unholy or ungodly. 

I needed this reminder today that I need to be putting most of my energy and most of my time into eternal things. My first priority has to be my Savior. I need to be more purposed in my pursuit of Him. I need to be more determined to be like Him. I need to be more diligent in keeping my fire for Him burning bright and hot. He has to come first in my life. 

I have a new desire in my heart to strive harder to be like Jesus. To love like Him. To minister like Him. And to be about my Father's business. I want to keep myself stirred up inside so I shine for Him all the days of my life.

"Wherefore, beloved, seeing that

ye look for such things, be

diligent that ye may be found of Him

in peace, without spot, and blameless."

(2 Peter 3:14)

do we truly see?

"And he stooping down, and

looking in, saw the linen cloths lying; 

yet went he not in; "

(John 20:5)

In this verse, the verb 'saw' is from the Greek word 'blepo'. It means to glance in; to look in; to give a passing glance.

John is quick to tell us in this passage that he outruns Peter to the tomb but as he approaches it, he only gives it a cursory glance. He just kinda stoops over and looks in very quickly and doesn't really take notice of what he is seeing. Are we, as Christians, guilty of this at times? Do we pass by God and barely give Him a glance? Do we just look in as we walk by and then continue on our way? How many times do we not only treat Him in this manner, but His precious Word as well? We are so busy in our daily lives, that we tend to give God what is left over and not the first fruits.

"Then cometh Simon Peter following him, 

and went into the sepulcher, and seeth

the linen clothes lie, and the napkin, that 

was about His head, not lying with the

linen clothes, but wrapped together in a

place by itself"

(John 20:6-7)

In verse 6, we notice the verb 'seeth' which is from the Greek word 'theoreo'. It means to carefully consider; to observe closely.

Peter gave the tomb a little more than just a cursory glance, but he still didn't give it a lot of thought. We, too, can be guilty of this type of 'seeing' as well. We can carefully consider Christ and still have no real revelation of who He is. We can observe the Word closely and still not have a personal and intimate relationship with Him. We can go through the motions of a Christian walk but fail to develop an intimate and deep knowledge of who He truly is. 

It's not just knowing about Christ that makes our relationship personal, it's having a knowledge of Him. We have to know Him in the deepest sense of the word. We can know a lot about something but have no true experiential knowledge of the subject. There is a huge difference between knowing about and knowing personally. Christ desires that we know Him in the most intimate way possible. He is to be our everything. He is to be the most important thing in our lives. He wants to be our all-in-all.

"Then went in also that other disciple, 

which came first to the sepulcher, and

he saw, and believed"

(John 20:8)

The verb 'saw' in this verse is from the Greek word 'eidon' which is the act of beholding; to perceive with intelligence; comprehension that leads to believing.

We can have a faith based strictly on evidence, but then we really don't have faith, do we? Our faith in Christ has to be based solely on the Word of God and nothing else. That is what Jesus tried over and over again to cultivate in His disciples. A faith based strictly on their knowledge of the Word. Their knowledge of who He said He was. After all, He was the Word.

They never could seem to grasp it until after the resurrection and then they finally got it. John 2:22 tells us that they remembered what He had said and they believed the scriptures.  Down the road, the Holy Spirit confirmed their faith through the knowledge of the Old Testament scriptures. Too bad they didn't truly get it while He was still on the other side of the Cross.

We need to guard ourselves so we don't become guilty of this as well. Lets not be too busy with our own agenda to really take a close look at our Lord. We need to be beholding Him daily. We need to be closely observing Him. Giving Him more than just that small inattentive glance. We need to be carefully looking at Christ with comprehension of His Holiness and His Sovereignty. We need to do whatever it takes to really know Him. 

That very evening, after they had been at the tomb, they met the Master. He had indeed risen, just as He said He would. The passing glances now became a sure knowledge of what they were witnessing. Jesus had fulfilled what He had promised. Our sweet Lord always keeps His promises. He is just waiting for us to begin seeking Him with all of our hearts so that we can see Him with eyes wide open and truly know that He is God.

hanging on....

It has been a long 11 days since my sister came into the hospital for her stem cell transplant. It is one of those procedures where everyone follows the same basic pattern leading up to it and in the days following, but after the infusion of cells, everyone has different reactions to it. Cari received her high dose Melphalan on Tuesday, April 23rd. And then the next day they infused 2 bags of her own stem cells - 6 million total. April 24th was the day we deemed 'new life' for her. Then the waiting game began. It seems like this cancer journey is one big 'hurry up and wait' party. 

She did something called 'cryo therapy' an hour before the chemo, during the chemo and for an hour or so after the chemo. This is basically keeping ice and other cold items such as popsicles in your mouth constantly during that period of time. This therapy greatly reduces the likelihood of something called mucousitis setting in and causing sores in your mouth, throat and digestive tract. That and a lot of prayer has proved to be successful. Other than a little tingling and a metallic taste in her mouth, she has had no sores at all. Praise The Lord for that! Small victories that are cause for huge celebration!

Over the past 9 months, God has shown Himself mighty time and time again. There have been so many 'should haves' that didn't happen. There have been many disappointments that God turned right around into joy. He has covered and He has protected and He has delivered. And as we continue on this path of walking by Faith, I have no doubt that He is walking right beside us. And at times right in front of us, leading the way and clearing out the path that lies ahead of us. He is so good.

As of her blood work from midnight, her white count is .05 and her platelets are 41,000. She reeived 2 units of red blood last Saturday as her hemoglobin had dropped to 7.6. They expect that her counts will bottom out tomorrow and then after that they will likely hang there for a few days. We look for that day that the white counts starts building and building. As of right now, she has no immunity at all. She has virtually no white cells to fight with so she is very suseptible to infection at this point. We are very careful around her and we can't even touch her. We have to keep our distance from her in the room, and only get close enough to help unplug her and plug her back in!

She is so tired and so weak and it breaks my heart, but I know that this is a very necessary part of the process and of the path to wholeness. God has been working in her body since the day she was diagnosed, July 30th of last year. I can see the evidence of His Hand in so many areas of her life and the life of our family. I can look around and see the handiwork of God as He has lovingly ministered to my sister in her time of need. I can see His fingermarks all over the place!

How good is our God?? Oh, He is so good! His precious Word is full of Hope and Encouragment. It is full of Joy and Peace. It is full of promises that we can hold tight and cling to. 

And for now I cling to the Savior that is cling worthy. I fall face down before Him and reach out to grab hold of the hem of His garment. And I hang on until the blessing comes. 

"I love the LORD because

He has heard my appeal for mercy"

(Psalm 116:1) HCSB

"Yet He knows the way I have

taken; when He has tested me,

I will emerge as pure gold"

(Job 23:10) HCSB

Yearning of the Heart

'In the deep recesses of man's soul lies an

overwhelming yearning toward the Creator'

(A.W. Tozer)

I love that God created us to yearn for Him. To crave Him. To want to know Him intimately and personally and deeply. I love that God wants to be wanted. And I love it even more that I want Him in that way. 

I am not satisfied with the depth of my relationship with Him. I want more.  But it's not just enough to want more. I know that I have to do more to get more. I have to spend more time in His precious Word. Not just reading but digging deep. Studying. Searching. Fervently seeking new revelations. I have to be expecting an encounter. Desiring to experience Him in a mighty way.

Tozer says that " a person must know where he is before he can comprehend where he needs to be". It's knowing what the scriptures say about what the life of a Christian looks like and then striving to line our life up to that. It's about acknowledging the depth of our own sin. Our own depravity. Our failure to line up with the example that Christ set before us. And then determining to do whatever it takes to strive daily for a life of holiness. And godliness. It's about the realization that we can never be anything more than that without the grace and mercy of God. All we are and all we can be is only because of what He enables and empowers us to be through His precious Son, Jesus Christ.

How amazing is it that of all the creations of God, man is the one who gets to experience the majesty of His presence?  Our purpose on this earth is to fellowship with God and to delight in His presence. And when we do that, we desire to share that with others. In fact, we can't help but do that very thing. When we know that greatest thing in the world, it is only natural that we want others to know as well.

Our relationship with our Savior is one that must grow daily. Our spiritual walk has to be increasing in its intensity and depth if we are to ever be who God intends us to be in Him. We must cultivate a spirit of fervency in our quest to experience Him and His presence in our lives.

I am overwhelmed at the height and depth and breadth of God's love for me. And His patience and long-suffering with me. And the amount of mercy and grace He has dispensed to me in my life. He is absolutely amazing and He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

As I sit in a hospital room watching my sister get a massive dose of chemo that will wipe out her bone marrow in 24 hours my heart is heavy. But as I think about the 12 million stem cells they harvested from her 3 short months ago and think about the fact that tomorrow they will infuse them back into her bloodstream to give her new life and I am in awe of Him. I stand amazed at the wonder of who He is. And how He has carried my sister and my family on this roller coaster of a journey we have been on. 

As I ponder the sweet goodness of my Lord, I purpose in my heart to try harder to be more like  Him. I have so much room for improvement in my spiritual life and I want to please Him above all else. In the words of Tozer himself, I want to want Him. I long to be filled with more longing. I thirst to be made more thirsty still. And I desire to rest in His presence. 

I will come before Him in silence and just sit. Listening for His voice. Waiting to hear. And then I pray I will begin to see the pulsating Heart of God. And respond to it with passion.