My thoughts are going all over the place this morning, so if I am not making any sense, please forgive me!
Monday night, Jimbo, Melissa and I watched a movie called "The End of the Spear". It is a true story and I know many of you have heard of it or have even seen it. It is basically about Jim Elliott and a group of missionaries in Ecuador. Five of the men are speared and killed by tribesmen but their families remain to carry out their calling and spread the gospel. This movie just touched my heart and made me come face to face with some realilities in my own life.
My family is very mission minded. My husband has been to the Phillipines, Romania, Africa and Nicaragua (2 times). He is going to India in August for 3 weeks. I have been on one mission trip to Nicaragua. My daughter Melissa has been to Bolivia, South America once and 10 days after she graduates Friday (yay!) she will head back to Bolivia for almost 5 weeks. She is also scheduled to go to Camaroon, Africa this fall to work at a medical missions for 3 months. So you see, I LOVE missions and I understand what missions is all about.
"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21)
But....As I watched this movie and was just horrified at the brutal killing of these men, I thought to myself - "Would I be willing to go somewhere knowing that I could be killed just like that?" I mean, anytime we go to another country there is always the possibility that we could lose our life for the gospel of Christ. But would I be willing to go if I knew that it was more than just a possibility and more like a probability? If I knew that people had been killed there before? Would I?
I was a little disappointed in myself at my first answer. I am not sure that I would go KNOWING that I was more than likely going to lose my life and that thought scares me. It brought me to tears just realizing that I am not that strong in my faith. I can honestly say that it scares me to think about it and that is just pitiful! I should be MORE than willing to die for my Savior after everything that He has done and continues to do for me. What an eye opening revelation for me.
I have a long way to go in my step-by-step growth in the Lord. I am just trodding along and trying my best to keep my focus on Him. I love Him more than I could ever imagine. I am so thankful for the mercy He has shown me in my life and that He continues to show me. I desire to draw closer and closer to His heart. I want His praise to be continually on my lips.
You know what my problem is? I haven't let God truly be the Lord of my life. I still have my hand on the end of the reign and haven't quite turned it all over to Him yet. Oh, I love Him. I love Him more than I can even begin to tell you. I want to serve Him. I want to KNOW Him more. But I haven't quite let Him have it ALL. I need to surrender it ALL. He is worthy.
We all want a Savior. But how many of us want a LORD?
Thank you for praying for my husband last night. He could barely talk, but PRAISE GOD when he got up to preach, the Lord just reached down and touched his voice and he preached a powerful sermon! The Lord reached back down and had mercy on a grown man's soul as he came forth for salvation. Praise God for Robert Williams' salvation last night.
The more I seek You, the more I find you and the more I find You, the more I love You,