My determination to live a life pleasing to Christ seems to bring out obstacle after obstacle. My eagerness to be all that God has called me to be seems to be an open invitation for the enemy to close in.
I feel like I am in a constant battle against my flesh. I feel like there is an on going war with my sinful nature.
I have learned that I have to stay alert at all times to the schemes and manipulations of the enemy. I need to be on constant guard against the mind games that satan likes to play.
But the main thing is that when I DO fail, I have to learn to forgive myself. For some reason, I find it easier to forgive others than to forgive my own self. But I have to remind myself that God applies that same precious blood to my own sin just as He does to others.
Colossians 3:13 tells us, "Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive"That includes ourselves. When we neglect to forgive ourselves we allow regret to move into our lives. Unfortunately, when regret moves in, it brings distraction with it. And distraction moves in with a vengence bringing all sorts of baggage with it..
Our focus then becomes on what we did wrong. Our focus becomes our failure. Our focus becomes "us" instead of God. Our focus becomes regret.
Regret steals the JOY that our Father intends for us to have. Joy that comes through our salvation. Joy that comes through the shedding of that blood of Christ on the cross. Joy that comes through Jesus. Joy that Christ wants us to have!
When we repent, God wipes that slate clean. It doesn't leave behind the fingerprints of regret. Only the fingermarks of sweet mercy and forgiveness.
Oh, Father, help me to learn how to forgive myself when I fail you. Help me to lay those failures down at your feet and ask for sweet forgiveness. Help me to allow that forgiveness to penetrate deeply in my spirit and help to me bask in the Joy of knowing my sins were covered at Calvary. May I arise from the place of repentance more determined to live for You. More purposed in my walk. More passionate for my Savior. I love you Lord and I praise you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon my and my family. You are my JOY!
Melissa had a good check up yesterday. Her platelets are up to 165,000. Her hemoglobin is up to 10.0. He said when it gets to 12 - 15, then she will begin to have more energy and not be so tired. She is still a little jaundiced. Her bilirubin is still fluxuating in the 3's. It needs to come down to .4 and he said that once her other liver enzymes begin to stabalize, then that will happen. Her AST liver enzymes that were in the 300's are now 52 and almost normal. I didn't realize how sick her liver really was! She was also holding 18 pounds of fluid that is now gone.
I continue to praise God for the miracle that her performed in my child. I also am so thankful and grateful to all the prayers that everyone has lifted up on her behalf. Continue to pray. She goes back to the doctor on the 22nd and hopefully that will be the final visit!