Wednesday, July 14, 2010

today is just hard...

(Me and my daddy - 1963)
You would think that after 16 years, I would not still awaken on this day with a lump in my throat. You would think that I wouldn't have that sick and empty feeling in my stomach. You would think that I could anticipate these feelings when I know that this day is coming. You would think....

But that's just not how it is. The descent into this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, begins every year on my birthday. Because July 12, 1994, was the LAST time that I talked to my precious Daddy. He and my mom had called me that night and sang "Happy Birthday" to me over the phone, just like they did every year. He told me he loved me and before we hung up, the last thing I said to him was, "I love you, daddy". 36 hours later, my world came to a screeching halt and I was rocked to the core. My sweet daddy, at age 58, was gone. Just like that. Gone.

I still just can't believe it. I miss him so much that I just can't stand it. I have such an empty part of me that just aches to see my daddy. I have been close to tears all day, just thinking about it. It takes all the effort I can muster up to get through this day.

 My girls didn't get a chance to really get to know their granddaddy. They were only 9,8 and almost 5 when he died. My daddy didn't get to see them grow up into the beautiful and precious young women that they are and he didn't get to see me become a grandmother.

Today is just hard. I just miss my daddy. I wish that I could just see him one more time and get one more hug. I wish that I could hear him say my name just once more. See him hug my mama. Love on my girls. Smile at me.

But, God had other plans for my daddy. I know that my precious father is in heaven with our heavenly Father. I know that he is right where he wants to be. I know that I will see him again one day. Walking with him on the streets of gold and hearing his voice say 'I love you, Beth' and looking up at him and saying with all my heart, "I love you too, Daddy"


Sandy said...

Oh Beth, my heart aches for you. Thank you for sharing this post! I am praying for you today.

April said...

Oh Beth - this brought tears to my eyes. Daddy's are such special people in our lives and I can not imagine how hard this day is. But you are so right, one fine day you'll be with him again. I'm praying for you!

angelonwheels said...

I am so very sorry for the hurt that runs so deep Hugs and prayers! I love you my sis in Christ! Hope even thw sorrow, there is a sense of knowing you are deeply loved and celebrated!

BECKY said...

Oh Sweet Beth, I know just how you feel, honey. Both of my parents went to be with the Lord in 2004, just a few short months apart. We knew Mom was going...she had Alzheimer's, but Dad was a shock. Oh how I long to talk with my Mom. When her birthday and Mother's Day come around, I am typically on uneven ground emotionally, as I was so close to her. Thankfully, the Lord puts more of His healing balm on my heart and carries me through each year. I am praying for you, Beth, and trusting that the Lord is comforting your heart, and refreshing your spirit. Your Dad would want you to have a GREAT birthday, so if you haven't partied it for him!! I know he wouldn't have it any other way!

May He pour out His tender mercies on you today, Beth,

Tammy said...

My heart knows your heartache, my dad died in 2001 and my mom 2003.

You've been blessed to have that special relationship with your dad and such sweet memories.

love and a great BIG hug~Tammy

Beth in NC said...

I'm sorry Beth. (((hugs))) I can't imagine. Thankfully your last words were "I love you" ...

I pray you'll feel peace.


Yolanda said...


I'm so sorry.

May our Heavenly Father, comfort you THIS day.

With love,

Steph T. said...

OH Beth I can just hear the ache in your post. Your daddy was a precious man it sounds like. I am praying for you. May you feel his love for you wrap around you and give you peace today.
love ya

NanaNor's said...

Sweet Beth, My heart is hurting after reading this and I so understand your heart wrenching pain. It seems like forever since my dad left for glory but I did have time with him; my mom died when I was 21 and not an adult yet.
Girl if I was there I'd just wrap my arms around you in a hug and cry with you. I can't be but Jesus is-so hold onto Him and let the tears flow.
My love to you.

Angel said...

Oh Beth, this just breaks my heart!! I love how you love your Daddy!! I unexpectedly lost my mom in August last year and my sister and I were just talking today about how hard next month will be!! You are in my prayers!!

Love and Blessings

Loren said...

Oh Beth ~ my heart is breaking for you! I am soo very sorry....I know that time doesn't always help and when a love is so deep it would only make sense that instead of healing it would be more of a longing!

I pray you can feel the Lords arms around you and the prayers of many who are lifting you up today!

I love you and wish I could hug your neck!

petrii said...

I am so sorry dear one. You are so precious.

Love you

Beth E. said...

Sweet Beth, I'm so sorry for your loss! I am saying special prayers for you this evening. Sending big hugs your way...

Love you!

Stacey Dawn said...

I'm going on 15 years for my Dad Beth - so I relate very well. I'm so sorry for your heart hurting. Cry - and let it out. Let the tears wash away at least some of the pain. Hugs and love to you... praying for God's comfort and His arms to hold you.

Maggie said...

Oh, Beth! I my heart ached for you as I read this post. I am continuing to pray for you. Remember that he is in Heaven, with Jesus Christ and one day you will be able to see him again and hug him and talk to him.