(Me and my daddy - 1963)
You would think that after 16 years, I would not still awaken on this day with a lump in my throat. You would think that I wouldn't have that sick and empty feeling in my stomach. You would think that I could anticipate these feelings when I know that this day is coming. You would think....
But that's just not how it is. The descent into this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, begins every year on my birthday. Because July 12, 1994, was the LAST time that I talked to my precious Daddy. He and my mom had called me that night and sang "Happy Birthday" to me over the phone, just like they did every year. He told me he loved me and before we hung up, the last thing I said to him was, "I love you, daddy". 36 hours later, my world came to a screeching halt and I was rocked to the core. My sweet daddy, at age 58, was gone. Just like that. Gone.
I still just can't believe it. I miss him so much that I just can't stand it. I have such an empty part of me that just aches to see my daddy. I have been close to tears all day, just thinking about it. It takes all the effort I can muster up to get through this day.
My girls didn't get a chance to really get to know their granddaddy. They were only 9,8 and almost 5 when he died. My daddy didn't get to see them grow up into the beautiful and precious young women that they are and he didn't get to see me become a grandmother.
Today is just hard. I just miss my daddy. I wish that I could just see him one more time and get one more hug. I wish that I could hear him say my name just once more. See him hug my mama. Love on my girls. Smile at me.
But, God had other plans for my daddy. I know that my precious father is in heaven with our heavenly Father. I know that he is right where he wants to be. I know that I will see him again one day. Walking with him on the streets of gold and hearing his voice say 'I love you, Beth' and looking up at him and saying with all my heart, "I love you too, Daddy"