tears....

When I picked up the phone, I recognized the number on the caller ID indicating it was from Bolivia. As I answered, I heard the faint sound of crying and a timid, quiet voice saying "Mama?" My heart stopped beating momentarily and them it just plummeted to the depths of my soul. There is nothing worse than the anguished sound of your childs voice. Especially when that voice is in another country.

My heart is aching so for Melissa. Hurting way down deep into the very core of my being. Nothing rips into my heart more than one of my girls when they are hurting.

When Melissa was in Africa for those 10 long weeks last fall, she was pretty much sick over half of the time she was there. Very sick. Of course, we now know that the main reason for her extreme illness was that she had malaria during the latter part of her trip. Malaria that went undiagnosed and just worsened those last few weeks.

Ten days after Melissa landed in the United States,  she was laying in a bed in ICU literally fighting for her life. (you can read the beginning here)

Even though she recovered by way of a miracle from our awesome and mighty God, her stomach hasn't been the same since her illness. She does okay for a week or so and then her stomach starts hurting and she stays sick for a short period.

Right now, while she is in Bolivia, she is having an extremely hard time and is feeling so bad. It seems like everything she eats causes her stomach to hurt. Really hurt. And makes her feel nauseous. She is hurting. She is feeling down and depressed.

Due to unreliable and sporadic internet connections, our contact by phone has been minimal. I was hoping that she was finally getting better, but today she was able to call me after 5 days of no contact and she was not feeling good. At all.

Tears flowed. Emotions faltered. My 24 year old girl reverted back about 15 years and just wanted her mama to make it all better.

Hard. Emotional. Tugged at my heart strings. Feelings of sadness. Hopelessness. Helplessness. Frustration.

I just want to whisk her home and make everything okay again. I long for the days when a kiss from mama could make everything better. But the childhood magic of those days is long gone. The little girl who used to think that I could make any hurt go away, now knows it isn't so. But she still wants to think that it's true.

This mama does too. I long to hold her close and kiss her sweet head and whisper, "it's okay precious. Mama's here. Everything's gonna be alright."

The tears that are flowing now are mine. Tears of longing for those simpler times. Tears of sympathy for my daughters hurts.Tears of a bruised heart crying out to the Lord on her behalf.

Tears of remembrance of that terrifying night I spent in ICU by her bedside when we didn't know her prognosis.

And now, He reminds me of that night. As I sat beside her hospital bed as she was in so much pain from the malaria. I stroked her arm and prayed for God to show Himself mighty to my daughter. To manifest His presence in her life. As I sat with my head on the bed beside her, Jesus stood at the head of the bed and stroked her head. Lovingly and with her healing in His hands, he stroked her head and ministered to her body.

As I sit here thanking Him for the miracle He performed in her life just 6 short months ago, I am praying for another powerful intervention.  Oh, Abba Father, I lift Melissa up to you tonight and ask that you just cover her in your mercy and grace. Reveal yourself to her so powerfully. So real. So tangibly that she will have no doubt that it is You. Renew. Restore. Strengthen. Minister peace and hope to my precious daughter. I love you with all that I am and I thank you for your love and your tender care over her. I thank you for the healing that is taking place, even now, in her life.

"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord" (Jeremiah 30:17)

This is the verse that I prayed over her during that time in November and I am claiming this scripture over her now. I would appreciate all the prayers that you can muster up for my daughter. She has almost 5 weeks left and I certainly don't want her sick that entire time. I love you all and thank you for your prayers in advance!

Beth